The Priest and His Disciples

(walking upon the earth) I was born. And bathing in the sunlight, breathing the air, I live. Truly I live! Look! At that arching sky of wondrous hue! And at this dark earth my bare feet firmly tread! The flourishing grasses and trees, the flying birds and wandering beasts, and then the loveliness of woman, the innocence of children—ah, I want to live! I want to live! (A pause) Up to this day I have known sorrows of every kind. Yet the more I suffer sorrow, the more I come to love this world. Ah, mysterious world! How I cling to thee! O lovable Saha world of mortals, I would sport in the grove of earthly passions! A thousand years, ten thousand years I would live! Forever and ever!

(appearing) Who art thou?

I am a mortal.

Then thou art a "dying thing."

I am alive. This alone is all I know.

Thou deceivest thyself once again.

My father died. My father's father died. Oh, many of my beloved neighbours have died as well. Yet I cannot believe that I myself shall die.

Thou art coddling thy heart.

(after a slight hesitation) I do fear it... lest by some chance I might die. Ah, you have seen right through my heart. In truth, I too think that I must die. For since ancient days the wise elders among my ancestors have called themselves mortals.

That is the truth. Like unto the beasts of the field, the fowls of the air, the grasses, the trees, and the fishes of the deep, thou art a dying thing.

Who might you be? You who utter such mighty words?

I am a minister who serveth Him that dieth not. Knowest thou me not?

I feel as if I know you... yet no, I do not know you after all.

Thou seemest oft to call upon my name. Of late, indeed, so very often that it becometh almost wearisome.

Then could it be that you are...? Pray, pardon my boldness, but lift your veil just once and show me your countenance.

I show not my face to mortals. To those that die.

And why is that?

Because if I look upon a mortal, I should die of shame.

In that word "dying thing," there seems to ring a note of scorn.

It is because of sin that things die. The sinless live eternally. "A dying thing" is one and the same with "a sinful thing."

Do you mean, then, that all mortals are sinners?

All are evil-doers. The wages of sin is death. (vanishes)

That was he just now. Beyond a doubt. Was that an illusion, or a reality? At first, of course, I took it for a mere illusion. But by degrees I could no longer think so—for that terrible power of destruction is far too clear. Even granting it a reality, what on earth can it be? I want to see its true nature. If only I knew that, I would fear it no longer. Ever since I came to know the true nature of terrible fire and water, I have rather commanded them by their own laws, making them turn the wheels of my mill and kindle the fires of my hearth. I want to know his law. I want to grasp his essence. Otherwise my life will forever be threatened. To have come to know him is my misfortune—yet it is also the growth of my wisdom. Ah, terrible being!

(appearing) Thou hast called me once again.

I want to see your face.

It is forbidden.

Whatever it may take!

That desire exceedeth thy station. So long as impurity remaineth in thine eyes.

Even if I pledge my very life upon it!

Pitiable creature!

Woe unto that hand! (Distant thunder is heard)

Behold!

A procession of birds, beasts, and creeping things passeth by. The eagle pursueth the dove; the wolf seizeth the lamb; the serpent holdeth the frog in its jaws. But at the head of that host, clad in armor, bearing bow and arrows, riding upon a steed—surely that is a mortal man!

He leadeth the whole host.

That is the conqueror!

And the most wretched of all wretched things.

Ah, he hath spurred his steed; the entire host rusheth forward! (Fierce, raging music arises) Just like a tempest! Whither are they rushing in such headlong haste?

Unto ruin. Whither all go that know me not.

Oh...!

Behold!

A young man and woman. The youth holdeth the maiden in his strong arms, and she hath buried her face against his chest. Her dark hair trembleth upon her jade-like shoulders. They must be drunken with sweet murmurings of love.

Look closer!

(peering intently) Ah, they are weeping! The youth letteth go of the maiden and heaveth a deep sigh. What a forlorn countenance!

They are beginning to learn that happiness must shatter.

Are they not calling upon you?

They are beginning to take notice of me. Yet they avoid calling upon me, deceiving themselves.

The youth hath sought to embrace the maiden once more. But this time she pusheth him away, cursing him. The youth hath seized her! He pulleth her by force toward the edge of the cliff... Ah, danger!... (crying out) Ah!

Such is the error into which those fall who look not straight at me. (The music ceases; the vision dissolves)

I acknowledge you! I look straight upon you! I yearn to know your true essence!

With the knowledge of a little ape! A knowledge that scampereth around the periphery of things, yet never penetrateth to the core!

I acknowledge your power—your power of destruction. For what purpose do you destroy all things?

It is to temper and forge forth that which cannot be broken—that which is sure and steadfast.

I seek that sure and steadfast thing! Ever since I knew you, I have been searching for that which cannot be destroyed by you.

Hast thou found it?

Not yet. For everything I thought sure and steadfast, you have shattered—lust for conquest, friendship, love, even learning.

To shatter whatever can be shattered—such is my appointed task. (A pause)

I have found something that seems sure and steadfast. This time I am confident.

What is it?

A child! Even though I decay and perish, my child will live on with fresh, youthful vigor. I will breathe my own desires into my child's soul!

Thou knowest not yet.

What?

Thy son is dead.

What?! (turning pale as death) How could such a thing be?!

The evil tidings will arrive before long.

Why, only this morning a letter reached me saying he was robust in health and hard at study!

He died shortly after midday.

A lie!

(staring intently) Ah, in your demeanor there is certainty... (in despair) All is lost!

Farewell.

(in panic) Wait! My son was hiding an illness, was he not? Thinking not to cause sorrow to his poor father...

He was the most vigorous in his company.

Did he fight a duel? To strike down some insolent slanderer? For he held honor so dear!

Nay.

Then how?

He fell from a chimney.

Two minutes prior, he had been talking merrily with his comrades upon the sunny lawn. Just then one of his fellows had a sudden whim and asked if anyone could climb the chimney. Thy son, likewise out of sheer caprice and with a good-natured, playful desire to make his companions laugh, cheerfully said, "I'll try!" and began to climb. His comrades applauded his agility. But at the very summit, the iron rung that served as a foothold had rusted through.

Oh...!

Men spoke of the rake of a chimney sweep who came that afternoon as a fortunate fellow.

(as if groaning) Art! The sure and steadfast thing is Art! I shall dissolve pigments with my own tears. Upon my canvas I shall paint that steadfast thing which cannot be broken!

Having come thus far, I shall say neither that it is steadfast nor that it is not. But surely thou wilt not forget thine own disease?

Not for an instant! That you stripped away my health was the beginning of my misery—and the beginning of my knowing you. Since that day, how I have suffered!

If thy fever should rise but two degrees higher, thou wouldst have to cast aside thy brush.

Oh...!

Is that an impossibility? Even now, dost thou not run a fever each and every day?

Prayer! The sure and steadfast thing is prayer! Even if I cannot stir a limb upon my sickbed, I can close my eyes and pray!

If but a single blow should shatter the harmony of thy brain, with the very mouth that hitherto prayed thou mightest babble senseless delirium, and with the hands that once devoutly joined in reverence thou mightest display filthy obscenities before the public gaze—even like unto the monkeys in the zoological gardens.

(staggering) Such a thing could never be!

It is entirely possible. Indeed, thy fellows of late seem fiercely bent on mutual slaughter; who can count how many such imbeciles have already been made? —

You are too cruel!

Only in proportion to thy worth. —

(shuddering) What is that clamor?

It is the curses of the creatures thou hast slain.

Ah...! (clasping his head)

Thou art a creature born of lust—though thou veilest it under the name of love.

Cease counting up my sins!

For they are without end. —

I was created so that I cannot live without preying upon others, nor propagate without carnal lust!

Such is the lot of a mortal.

(as though pleading) Have pity on the torment of man!

To feel compassion is not my office.

Why? Ah, why is that so?

It is punishment! (The great earth shakes in six ways)

(rising and looking up toward heaven) What distant, distant color of the sky! An unutterable yearning draweth me. I feel a sweet, melting sensation as though being drawn upward. Truly I begin to feel that this world must be good. That there is something sure and steadfast can no longer be doubted. Assuredly I am being comforted by the power of something. Yes, I feel as though I were destined for grace—as though to receive it were blessedness itself. Let me go! (taking two or three steps forward) Unto that distant sky beyond—until my soul be lifted high!

(sewing a garment beside the hearth) At last I've gotten this far. In four or five more days it will probably be finished. At all events I must make haste, for the New Year is almost upon us. Matsuwaka will be twelve next year. He must grow up quickly. How I truly wish I could stretch him taller! (A pause) And yet, what can be the matter with Lord Saemon's sullen spirits of late? It seems to grow worse and worse. When we lived in our home province, he was never such a man. Truly I cannot help worrying over what will become of us. (The sound of a gale sweeping past outside) Today again he went off to Kichisuke's house in a terrible rage; if only it does not lead to some troublesome affair... (rising, opening the door and looking up at the sky) Oh, how bitter cold! (shivering) It's beginning to fall again. (closing the door, coming to the edge of the hearth, poking the fire with the poker and warming her hands) How late Matsuwaka is today! Bitterly cold as it is, he ought to have come straight home. (looking about her) It has grown dark already. (rising, taking an andon lantern from the closet and lighting it. She offers a light before the household Buddhist altar, puts her hands together, and prays)

(enters. A sickly, pale complexion. Clad in clothes puffed out thick against the cold. Opens the door) Mother, I'm home! (tossing down his bundle wrapped in cloth and his copybooks) Oh, cold, so cold! (breathing upon his hands)

Oh, you're back! You must be freezing. Come, warm yourself. You're very late today.

(going to the side of the hearth) There was a feast at the Master's house. We were all treated. That's why I was late.

Is that so? How nice that was. Did you behave with good manners?

Yes. My fair copy received the "Pine" mark!

Did it? That is splendid of you! Let me see your copybook. At the last fair copy it was "Bamboo," wasn't it? (taking the copybook from Matsuwaka, opening it and looking) Indeed, "Near vermilion, one turns red." It has grown quite steady and firm. If you only arrange your spacing a little better, it will be still finer. That comes from your diligent practicing! (stroking Matsuwaka's head)

Kichiya at Kichisuke's got "Plum."

That's because that boy is fond of mischief and idles away his time. (A pause) Here, stand up just a moment. (Matsuwaka stands. She measures his height with a ruler) Three inches and five tenths. Then I must shorten the tuck. This is your New Year's robe. It will look very handsome on you. You shall wear this on New Year's Day when you go to pay your respects to your Master.

When is New Year's coming?

After you sleep twelve more nights, it will be here.

Where is Father?

Father went over to Kichisuke's. He will surely be home before long.

Kichiya at Kichisuke's torments me. Today too, on the way back from our lessons, they all gathered and spoke ill of me.

What? Spoke ill and tormented you? Is that true?

They said Matsuwaka's father is a mere wanderer and stranger, a wicked scoundrel who bullies the peasants and takes living life!

Good heavens! (her face clouding) Did they say such things?

Yes. He said, "Because your father bullies our father, I'm going to bully you!" and threw snow all over me.

What wicked boys they are! Don't you worry. I shall tell your Master all about it.

No, don't. Once when I told the Master, they bullied me even worse on the way home. (chagrined) They shoved me down into the paddy field by the roadside!

My, my! To do such an outrageous thing! Do not worry, my child. I will see that matters are set right before long.

All right. (nods)

(bringing out dried persimmons on a plate from the cupboard) Here, eat these. Mother dried them for you in autumn. I'll just go and see to the kitchen a moment. (exits by the back door)

(enters, wiping her hands on her apron) Weren't they sweet? (A pause) What are you looking at there?

Yes, they were delicious! (gazing eagerly at the picture book)

While I have a moment, let me do a little more sewing. (brings the unfinished garment near the hearth and plies her needle)

Mother, what picture is this?

(pausing her needle) Let me see. (peering over) That, you see, is the picture of the passing away of the Buddha whom we call Shakyamuni. (resumes sewing)

I see. A great crowd of monks in robes are weeping beside him, aren't they?

Those are all his disciples. For their great Master had entered into Nirvana.

Humph. There are monkeys, and snakes too. Doves as well. They are all weeping. Why is that?

Shakyamuni was so full of deep compassion that he was tender even unto dumb beasts. And so, because the one who loved them so dearly had died, they are all weeping.

Humph... (lost in thought)

(enters. Clad in hunter's garb. Carrying a matchlock musket on his shoulder and two or three small wild birds hanging at his waist) I'm back. Bitterly cold out!

Welcome home! We've been waiting for you. You must be frozen. Is it snowing hard? (goes as far as the door to meet him)

A heavy blizzard. At this rate the roads will be completely blocked. (brushes off the snow)

Father, welcome home! (placing his hands on the floor and bowing his head)

Ah. (strokes Matsuwaka's head) I hear you were treated to a feast at your Master's today.

Yes! How did you know?

I heard it from young Kichi at Kichisuke's.

And how did that matter turn out? (hangs the gun upon the wall and puts away the game)

Hopeless, utterly hopeless. Today I met with nothing but exasperation. Tramping through the mountains since morning, I managed to bag only three miserable wild birds. Then I stopped at Kichisuke's, but that rascal is cunning through and through. If I take a firm stand, he starts blubbering tears and bowing to the ground to wear me out. Yet if I were to show any leniency, he would take ruthless advantage. Truly, the peasants around here are beyond all dealing with! (changes his clothes and approaches the hearth)

And what conclusion did you reach?

I laid it down flat: if he doesn't pay by the New Year, I shall carry out my own intentions, and he had better be prepared for it. At that Kichisuke turned white as a sheet. His old mother clung to me, begging for mercy, and even young Kichiya began bawling at his side.

Oh, aren't you being too pitiless? Pray wait a little longer. That household must truly be in desperate straits.

Who knows whether that's true or not! I detest that Kichisuke from the bottom of my heart. Black-hearted as he is, he flatters with oily words. Why, only this spring he went and shaved down the boundary of our paddy fields as if he knew nothing about it!

True, Kichisuke was in the wrong there, but he did so only because he was so dreadfully destitute.

Speaking of being destitute, aren't we in desperate straits ourselves? Ever since we migrated here, it has been one misfortune after another: the land we bought with our meager savings was washed away by the great flood, Matsuwaka fell ill, and making a living has been anything but easy! If one is gentle, there is simply no end to it. It's not just Kichisuke—all the peasants in these parts are the same. At times I feel driven to sheer desperation! I come to loathe every human being in this world!

Even so, pray let them celebrate this New Year in peace. If you do something harsh and sow bitter grudge, you will not sleep easy at night. As the saying goes, "He that is struck may sleep, but he that strikes cannot." (A pause) Come now, do eat your evening meal. (exits by the back door)

Matsuwaka, what have you been looking at all this while?

Mother's picture book. It was on the table by the altar. There are so many pictures! Mansions, temples, and demons pulling flaming carts of fire, and then...

Ah, that "Guide to Hell and Paradise"?

I know about Hell and Paradise! Those who do good go to Paradise when they die, and those who do evil go to Hell, don't they? But is that really true?

It's all lies. Invented to admonish people. (reflecting) If there were any truth in it, there would probably only be Hell! Ha ha ha ha!

Here is a picture of children piling up stones by a riverbank, and a demon knocking them down with an iron club. What can this be?

(his face darkening) That is the Riverbed of Sai—the place where children go when they die.

If I die, shall I go to the Riverbed of Sai?

It's all lies! Just made-up stories. (looks at Matsuwaka's face) Stop looking at that book now.

Somehow I find this book fascinating.

No, it is no book for a child to read. (takes the picture book from Matsuwaka) It's cold, so go to bed now. You mustn't catch cold again.

I'm not sleepy yet.

(enters, placing a sake bottle upon a dining box-tray before Saemon) You have waited long. You must be starved. Come, drink a cup. (takes up the sake bottle)

(holding out his cup, having it poured and drinking) Okane. I, too, am not by nature a man who loves doing cruel deeds. Ever since I was a boy, merely watching other people quarrel made my heart pound. But ever since our Lord cast us off like that, and I became a masterless ronin and migrated out here, I have learned the black-heartedness of worldly people until I am sick to death of it! Men are all wicked. Those who trust are betrayed. Those of good heart are made fools of, utterly unable to survive in this world. I feel like bursting into bitter mockery! I think to myself: my gentle nature is nothing but a weakness of character. I must conquer it! I must forge a tough, unyielding heart that can endure doing harsh deeds! I am striving with all my might to accustom myself to hardness!

Good heavens! Who ever heard of such a thing? Striving with all one's might to make one's heart wicked, instead of trying to make it good!

(talking between drinks) I mean to make myself a villain! I want to strip the shameless hide off the faces of those who put on airs of virtue! They do nothing but spew lies! You see, I often ponder this. In the end, there are only two ways to live in this world: either to die, or to become a brigand! If one is to live, one must eat. If one is to eat without contending with others, there is no choice but to beg. If all mankind were people of understanding, begging would be the most pleasant way to live. But to be looked upon with eyes of pity like a dog thrown scraps by detestable folk, and to keep alive on their leavings—that is the most agonizing thing of all! And the people of this world are nothing but that very sort! If one cannot beg, how much more satisfying it is to take by force! If contend we must, then rather than putting on a hypocritical mask of benevolence or pretending to be merciful, I would openly proclaim, "I am a villain!" Otherwise, one must beg. And if even that galls one's pride, one must die! But I do not wish to die yet. Therefore I must be strong! Yet my nature is soft. That is why I must train myself to be hard-hearted. Today again, when the old mother at Kichisuke's wept before me, I almost wavered. But I rebuked myself, resolved that I had to steel my heart, and shouted them down! If it comes to a contest of wickedness, I felt I could be just as wicked as anyone! (drinks sake)

Goodness, no one has such extreme, one-sided notions as you! Pray do not talk of such things before Matsuwaka. Isn't that just like a father telling his own son to become a thief? You are not cut out to be a villain in the least! At bottom you are gentle. Isn't that a good disposition?

No, I refuse to consider myself of good disposition! If a man is truly good, why doesn't he become a beggar? Nay, why doesn't he die? It's all a hollow sham! Don't you understand what I'm saying? (growing more and more agitated)

I understand your feelings, but still...

It's my soft-heartedness that ruins me! That's why we've grown poorer and poorer ever since coming here. Seeing that I was a ruined samurai ignorant of local ways, they saddled me with unprofitable bargains, whittled away my land, and never repay the money I lent them! Before long, whether we like it or not, we shall be forced to become beggars! All three of us—man, wife, and child—will have to stand at the gates of hateful wretches begging for pity! Because you and Matsuwaka are dear to me, if I don't steel myself right now, our doom is sealed! In any case, a weak heart will never do! (gulps down his sake)

(anxiously) Do stop drinking so much sake. You are growing more and more rough-tempered. I am truly worried. Besides, your reputation in the neighborhood is terrible. Today again... (lowering her voice) Matsuwaka told me that Kichiya egged on the other children to torment him. And all of that, you see, comes from your harsh ways!

How is that any fault of mine?

They say Matsuwaka's father is a wicked rogue who kills living creatures and bullies the peasants. And they said, "Because your father bullies our father, I'm going to bully you!" and threw snow on him and shoved him off the roadside into the ditch!

Did they do that? Wicked brats! Tell your Master about it!

If he does, they say they will treat him even more terribly on the way home.

(enraged) That vicious young Kichiya! Very well, if that's how they act, I have a plan. Tomorrow morning I'll march over to Kichisuke's and give him something to groan about!

Acting in such a violent manner will only make things worse for Matsuwaka! Rather, if you would only calm your temper and treat the peasants with kindness, all would be well. Why not act naturally according to your inborn nature, without forcing yourself?

If I do that, our household will be ruined before our very eyes! The world of men is not made so that if we act gently, others will respond with honesty. If one intends to act gently to the very end, as I said before, one must be prepared to stand begging at the gate of some detestable wretch. Are you prepared for that? I was not born with a nature skilled in worldly survival. Unless I reforge this disposition, I cannot survive! I cannot feed my wife and child, nor shield them from outside insults! (growing irritated) I must become a stronger character, capable of enduring wickedness! Thanks to my efforts, I feel I am gradually able to become wicked. In the old days, if people spoke ill of me, it bothered me so much I couldn't sleep at night. Nowadays, let them speak ill—I don't care a straw! In fact, it almost feels good! For I think to myself: "I, too, have grown tough!" Whether shooting birds and beasts with a gun or wringing the neck of a fowl, at first I hated it intensely, but now it is nothing to me at all! (drinks sake)

I have been meaning to tell you: for the love of heaven, pray give up hunting! From the bottom of my heart I loathe taking life. It isn't as though we would starve if you didn't hunt.

At first I did it reluctantly, but now it has become so exhilarating I cannot quit! When a bird sits on a bough yonder, and I think "That is already mine!", I feel a triumphant thrill of delight! For whether it lives or dies is entirely at my pleasure. When I pick up the creature that came tumbling down with fluttering wings, the blood is still warm on its feathers! Sometimes one is only winged, fluttering about still alive. At such times, without letting it suffer long, I twist its neck and finish it off!

I can't bear to hear such talk—pray stop it! My late mother, when she was alive, abhorred killing living creatures beyond words. She was so deeply devout! Perhaps because of mother's upbringing, I abhor taking life with all my soul. When you slaughter a fowl in the yard, there is nothing so sickening as that awful squawking! And besides... (glancing toward Matsuwaka) somehow I can't help feeling that Matsuwaka's frailty began right after you took up killing living things!

What nonsense! Your silly superstitions amaze me!

Besides, you have no faith in your heart. At least offer a prayer of thanksgiving morning and evening! For my part, if I neglect to pray even once, I feel uneasy and distressed. Truly I shudder to think of the future. When things are like this, it is small wonder that fortune never turns our way.

Praying to the Buddhas won't help a bit. It pains me to sit face-to-face with a Buddha image. (A pause) Tonight I feel strange; the wine won't make me drunk at all. It's because you talk of nothing but gloomy things! I must get drunker! (drinks two or three cups in rapid succession)

Don't drink so recklessly! (watching Saemon anxiously, a brief silence) I feel truly disheartened. (The roar of the storm sweeps past outside) What a ferocious blizzard!

It has become a fearful blizzard.

It seems to grow fiercer and fiercer.

Revered Master, you appear exceedingly weary.

The sleeves of your robe are soaked through and cold as ice.

The sun has set this good while since.

The roads are completely blocked by snow.

I have no longer strength to walk.

Then let us seek lodging in this neighborhood.

Let us beg for a night's shelter at this house.

I see no other dwelling near. (goes to the entrance and knocks upon the door) Halloo! Halloo!

(listening intently) Father, someone is knocking at the door!

It must be the sound of the wind.

No one would be out in such a blizzard.

No, someone is definitely knocking at the door!

(knocking loudly) Halloo, halloo! Pray have mercy! Pray have mercy!

(listening) Indeed someone is knocking. It sounds like human voices. (steps down to the dirt floor and opens the door) Who is there? (seeing the three monks) Is there something you wish?

We are traveling monks, but we have fallen into great distress in this blizzard. Pray forgive our intrusion, but might we beg shelter for a single night?

You must indeed be in sore distress. If you walk about ten cho further, there is an inn.

You see, as we go about begging on alms-pilgrimage, we carry no money with us.

Any place at all, if only we might lie down and sleep, would be a blessing.

Is that so? (looks closely at the three monks) Then let me ask my husband. It is bitterly cold out there. Pray step inside and warm yourselves.

Okane, who is it?

Traveling monks. Three of them. They are in distress from this snow and ask if we might lodge them for a single night. Having no money, they cannot go to an inn.

(frowning with displeasure) It is regrettable, but let us refuse them.

But they are in such distress; let us take them in!

No, I cannot lodge them.

Husband, what harm could it do? It would be no trouble to us. And besides, are they not holy priests?

No! (raising his voice) It is precisely because they are monks that I will not lodge them! I despise monks! In all the world, I hate them most of all!

How can you say such rude things! (in a low voice to Jien) He is in his cups. Pray do not take offense.

(to Saemon) Any corner will do, if only you would grant us shelter for this one night.

I refuse!

Even under the edge of the veranda would be a blessing.

What persistent fellows you are!

Revered Master, what shall we do?

Let me plead once more. (to Saemon) It must indeed be an inconvenience to you, yet seeing we are in dire distress, might you not look upon this as a karmic bond and grant us shelter for this one night?

You must be their Master. (sneers) To be sure, you wear an exceedingly saintly air! But unfortunately, I detest monks. They go against my grain!

I understand your distaste. Yet pray have pity and grant us lodging.

Pity you? Far from it! Yours is the most enviable station of all! In this world everyone reveres you, and when you die you go straight to Paradise! For they say you holy men do nothing but good. As for me, I do nothing but evil. We are hardly cut from the same cloth!

Nay. It is I who do nothing but evil.

(paying no heed to Shinran's words) Those sermons you monks preach are wonderful things indeed! Thanks to them, there are no villains left in the world! You teach that by giving alms and offerings one's sins are wiped away, so everyone joyfully brings you rice and coin! Your temples flourish! You can sit in comfort and live in ease! "Do good and you shall go to Paradise" — what a marvelous doctrine! But as ill luck would have it, this world is so ingeniously devised that one cannot do good! So all will go marching off to Paradise! Ha ha ha ha!

It is quite natural that you should speak so.

You monks are truly grand! You read so many difficult scriptures, and you practice exactly what is written in them! You take no life, eat no meat, take no wife—why, you are like living Buddhas! In your hearts you never curse anyone, nor does lust arise when you look upon a woman. Nay, you don't even dream a foul dream! How noble! Before such exalted beings, a defiled wretch like me would feel profaned to have you lodge in his humble house!

Heaven forbid! I am by no means the pure being you describe.

This very morning I killed living creatures. Then I picked a quarrel. Then I drank sake. And now I am treating you...

Lord Saemon! Pray compose yourself! It is painful for others even to hear! (blushing; to Shinran) Holy priest, pray forgive him! (to Saemon) Even if you must refuse them, can't you refuse politely without using such foul language and speaking so sarcastically?

Haven't I been refusing from the very beginning? I detest monks, so I cannot lodge them!

Then the two of us need not be taken in. Only pray take in our revered Master! He is so terribly exhausted.

As you can see, he is trembling with the cold.

As soon as the blizzard ceases, we shall depart at first light tomorrow.

Pray consider asking shelter for a night as some fated connection.

When I say I cannot, I cannot!

It matters not what becomes of me, but if only our Master... (with tears in his eyes)

As ill luck would have it, that Master of yours is the one I dislike most of all! Those who teach falsehoods to others are all the more detestable! I may be a villain, but at least I know that I am a villain!

You have perceived a very profound truth. Your feelings are very much like my own.

Ha ha ha ha! As if you and I could be alike!

Then will you not grant us shelter?

I will not!

Then we resign ourselves. But pray at least permit us to dry our robes at that hearth. They are soaked through and cold as ice.

Come, come, pray dry yourselves! I'll put on fresh charcoal and make a good fire for you right away! (moves toward the hearth)

(barring her way) Meddle not! (raising his voice) What pestilent fellows you are! Can't you understand after all I've told you? Show a little anger, you hypocrites! You thick-skinned—

Lord Saemon! Lord Saemon!

(to Shinran) Out with you! Get out, you begging monk! (pushes Shinran)

This is too outrageous an insult—

You dare lay hands upon our Master?!

Get out, I say! (shoves Ryokan)

What! (grips his staff)

Would you strike me? (wrenches Shinran's staff and raises it aloft)

Ryokan! No violence must be done!

Revered Master, pray step outside quickly! (bars Saemon)

Father! Father! (flustered, running about)

(turning pale) Lord Saemon! Lord Saemon! (clasps Saemon from behind to hold him back)

Let me go! I'll beat him to the ground!

Father! Father! (clings to Saemon, crying)

(rushes outside, rubbing Shinran's shoulders in distress) How it must have hurt! Forgive him, pray! Oh, what shall I do? Are you injured?

It is nothing serious. When one goes about begging on pilgrimage, such things happen from time to time.

Pray do not lay a curse upon my husband! (weeping) Wicked though he is, pray forgive him!

Do not be troubled. On the contrary, I look upon him as a man of pure heart.

I think it was far too cruel!

(with tears in his eyes) Revered Master! My heart is filled with sorrow!

The night is growing late.

The wind has fallen, but it has grown all the more bitter cold.

The tips of my toes feel as though they were tearing off. (A pause) Is our Master asleep?

He was reciting the Nembutsu until a short while ago, but he seems to have fallen asleep from utter exhaustion.

How peacefully he sleeps!

Behold the sacred majesty of his sleeping countenance!

A living Buddha—surely one like our Master is worthy of that name.

My heart aches with tenderness for him. (draws his own robe over Shinran's face to shield it from falling snow)

What terrible hardships he has endured!

I am young, so it matters little for me; but for our Master and for you, how painful it must be! If only it does not impair his health... (touching Shinran's body) Why, he has grown cold as ice!

The family in this house must be resting warm and snug beside the hearth.

The master of the house was far too cruel. Even granting he was in his cups.

He might at least have lent us the sheltered edge of his veranda.

In all my wanderings on pilgrimage, I have never met with such treatment.

To dare strike our Master!

At that moment, my anger surged so that I could scarcely contain myself. If our Master had not stopped me, I would have beaten him down!

That hand of his cannot fail to rot away! (A pause) I am ever moved by our Master's boundless patience. Long did I accompany him on pilgrimage along the deep snow trails of the Echigo mountains, and oh, what diverse tribulations we encountered! We nearly starved to death, and in the deep mountains we were attacked by brigands. When crossing the treacherous precipices of Oyashirazu and Koshirazu, he bruised his feet against jagged rocks until his white tabi were soaked red with blood.

When he dwelt in the Capital of Kyoto, he surely had never donned straw sandals.

He always rode in a palanquin, attended by a throng of disciples. Ever since he incurred the Imperial displeasure and was banished into exile, his sufferings have been beyond all telling.

And you have been at his side without parting for a single moment since those days.

I shall follow our Master until I die. When I reflect upon the boundless love and tenderness I received from him ever since our days in Kyoto, no matter how great the agony, I could never bring myself to leave him.

How very true. (A pause) It fills me with bitter resentment against the monks of Mount Hiei and Nara. Why did they maliciously slander and accuse such a holy saint? The turmoil in the Capital during those days can well be imagined.

When I recall those days, I can scarcely bear the sorrow. Eminent disciples were either beheaded or banished into remote exile. How many loving hearts were torn asunder! What I can never forget even to this day is the moment our Master parted from Master Hōnen.

How grievously they must have lamented!

For they loved each other with profound tenderness. When our Master went to take his farewell at the hermitage of Komatsudani, Master Hōnen sat before his writing desk, reciting the Nembutsu. Our Master wept aloud with bitter tears. For between the province of Tosa and the province of Echigo, it was certain they would never meet again on earth. And besides, Hōnen Shōnin was an aged master approaching eighty years.

What words did Master Hōnen utter? (with tears in his eyes)

He said: "Shinran, weep not. Let us part reciting only the Nembutsu. We shall surely meet in the Pure Land. At that time, let us both have been transformed into beautiful Buddhas. Namu Amida Butsu."

And with that, did they part forever?

Never shall I forget the sixteenth day of the third month of the first year of Jōgen. In Kyoto the cherry blossoms were in full glory. On that very day, Master Hōnen set forth toward Tosa, and our Master departed toward the northern provinces.

Where is Master Hōnen now?

He hath already entered Nirvana. The tidings reached us while we were on pilgrimage through the province of Kōzuke. Our Master collapsed upon the road and wept his heart out.

Then it was truly a living farewell for eternity.

Yes. (wipes away tears with the sleeve of his robe)

The night is far from dawning yet, is it not?

It is only past midnight.

It is so cold that sleep seems quite impossible.

Yet unless we snatch a little sleep, we shall be exhausted for tomorrow's journey.

Then let us try to sleep a little.

(groaning in a nightmare) Uuu-m... uuu-m...

(sitting up) Lord Saemon! Lord Saemon! (shakes Saemon awake)

(awakens) Ah! Was it a dream? (looks about him, dazed)

You were groaning terribly in your sleep!

Ah, what a frightful dream I had!

I could not sleep a wink and was lying half-awake, when suddenly you began groaning in such a strange voice that my heart leapt with fright!

Humph... (brooding)

I felt eerie and alarmed. When you opened your eyes and looked at me, there was such a terrifying expression upon your face!

Rather than terrifying, it was sinister—a foul, horrifying dream that pierced to the very bottom of my soul! (with a solemn expression, tracing back the dream)

What sort of dream was it? Pray tell me. For there is something weighing on my mind as well.

(sitting up in bed) I dreamed I was slaughtering a fowl. It was in the chill gloom of a bamboo grove. Resting one foot upon a log lying on the ground, with one hand I folded together both wings and the neck of the fowl, and began plucking out its tail and body feathers one by one. The fowl seemed in agony; every time I pulled a feather, it drew up its legs and jerked its neck, but its neck was twisted tight so it could utter no cry. In no time, from its body down to its breast, the yellow goose-pimpled skin was laid bare. The wretched, naked sight of it gave an impression of cynical, sickening cruelty...

How dreadful! It is because you are always killing fowls that you dream such things.

Next I had to pluck the wing feathers. Seizing one wing and leg, I pressed the bird to the ground and pulled with all my strength. The wing feathers were large, thick as little bones, and could not be pulled out with a mere tug. And at every feather I tore out, the fowl gave a piercing shriek!

There is no sound I hate so much as that! Why couldn't you wait until you had killed it before plucking them?

Then the feathers would not come out easily, and above all the flesh would lose its flavor. In my dream, when I heard that cry, I felt an indescribable, savage thrill of pleasure! So I freed its neck and plucked out the feathers slowly, slowly, one by one. Just then you came running up...

Good heavens! Did I appear as well?

Yes. You cried, "For heaven's sake, don't make it shriek like that!" So I twisted the neck round and round. It felt just like wringing out a wet towel. Then, pressing the head against its back, squeezing the belly with one hand and treading on its legs with my foot, I held it still for a while. Fowls are tenacious of life and breathe through their vent, you see. Thinking it must be done for, I let go—whereupon that featherless creature, no longer looking like a fowl at all, ran forward a fathom or two!

Pray stop! It is truly horrifying!

It was what followed that was so bloodcurdling. In panic, I caught the fowl again; and resolved to hack off its head this time, I pinned it to the earth and raised the kitchen cleaver to strike. The fowl looked up at me with strange, haunting eyes, and began crying incessantly in a weak, plaintive voice. At that instant, suddenly in my dream, I myself had become that fowl! In terror, I wept with all my might. The slaughterer stood over me, looking down coldly at my face. My strength to cry was fading, and I was uttering only piteous, pleading whimpers. And then, somehow, it seemed to me that this exact thing had happened once before in the past! "Surely I have heard this voice before!" I thought. Just then, a scene long forgotten revived in the memory of the fowl that was myself, with uncanny vividness: Long ago, when I lived in a former life, I had murdered a traveling woman! Deep in the mountains, I had drawn my short sword and pressed upon her. The woman had wept with that very same pleading, plaintive cry! What I had remembered was that weeping voice! And I knew that retribution had come upon me at last! The slaughterer's blade hung over me, ready to fall at any moment. And at that instant, I awoke groaning in horror!

What a strange, dreadful dream! (shudders)

The horror when I recalled that evil deed of my past life! It was so distinctly, eerily vivid! "Ah, this is Hell!" I felt. Even now, the memory chills the very bottom of my soul! (looking pale as death)

Something feels uncanny tonight. Ever since I went to bed, I could not sleep a wink; all manner of thoughts kept crowding upon me. In truth, I was remembering my late mother. It may sound strange, but somehow I feel as if that holy priest of earlier tonight were the rebirth of my mother!

What foolishness! How could that be?

Mother was so deeply devout, you remember. Shortly before she died, she said to me with all seriousness: "I cannot be saved in this body anyway. When I die, I shall be reborn as a Buddhist monk. Mark my words well: I will come on pilgrimage to your doorway!" Ever since then, I have never been able to treat a pilgrim monk unkindly. For it brings back those words to my mind.

(wakes up) Are you getting up already?

No, my child. It is the dead of night. It's cold, so go back to sleep. (draws the quilt over him)

All right. (falls asleep again)

What has become of those monks of earlier tonight, I wonder?

They must be wandering lost in the snow.

It weighs heavily on my mind. I was drunk with sake; I went too far. (lost in thought)

You struck the holy priest with a staff!

I did a wicked thing.

Even watching from the side, your behavior earlier tonight seemed anything but noble. It was not merely violent; it was full of sarcastic, spiteful, twisted malice—the very coldness you always loathed!

I think so too. Earlier tonight, my mind seemed utterly possessed.

And that monk was such a good man. There was not a trace of pretension about him; his demeanor was so humble and gentle. I liked him and wished so much to give them shelter, but you wouldn't listen to reason at all!

He seemed an uncommon sort of monk.

His bearing was noble, entirely unruffled by insult. I felt so ashamed to let him see your uncouth conduct that my face burned red.

It was wretched of me, utterly wretched.

Besides, that monk seemed to listen to your words with keen interest and attention. His expression was full of friendly goodwill as he heard you.

I could not help feeling so myself.

Truly, you were the pitiful one earlier tonight! The monk was not shaken by your sarcasm; rather, he looked upon you with eyes of deep compassion.

(blushing) I have no answer to that.

His disciples begged so earnestly, saying: "We two do not mind remaining outside; only pray do not let our Master freeze!" And yet you remained cold as stone. My heart bled for them.

Why was I like that? Could some evil demon have possessed me?

And to cap it all, you struck him with a staff! At that moment, the aged disciple was weeping tears. When the younger disciple gripped his staff in anger, the Master restrained him with an expression of such serene dignity!

I rushed outside and instinctively rubbed the Master's shoulders, begging for forgiveness. For my heart went out to him so!

What did the monk say then?

He said: "It is nothing serious; when one goes about on pilgrimage, such things happen from time to time."

What has become of them since, I wonder? Surely he must have laid a curse upon me! (reflecting) Won't you go out right now and call them back? If that monk should wander forever through the snow with an unlifted curse upon me, I could not bear it!

No. When I pleaded, "Pray do not curse my husband," he replied: "Be at ease; on the contrary, I look upon him as a man of pure heart."

Did he say that? (with tears in his eyes) Pray bring him back once more! Unless I apologize to him, I shall have no peace of mind!

In the dead of night with the snow falling like this, how could I search for them with no idea where they went?

If I can never see him again, the thought is unbearable!

Yet what can be done?

Could they, by some chance, still be at our gate?

How could that be? If they stood out there, they would freeze to death!

Even so, I am uneasy; pray go and look!

I will go and look, but... (lights a candle-lantern, steps down to the earthen floor, opens the door, and peers out into the dark) Oh! (cries out; darts outside, then rushes back in) Lord Saemon! Come quickly! Come quickly! (rushes outside again)

Merciful heavens! Were you still here all this time? In this falling snow, in the dead of night! Oh, how cold you must have been! You must be frozen through and through!

(to Shinran) I... I... (weeps) Forgive me! (kneels upon the snow)

At bottom he is a good man! At bottom he is truly a good man!

(with tears in his eyes, in a low voice) Namu Amida Butsu, Namu Amida Butsu...

Namu Amida Butsu, Namu Amida Butsu...

Pray, all of you, come inside! Warm yourselves at the hearth! How bitter cold it must have been! In the dead of night, in nothing but thin robes! Truly, pray come inside! (brushes snow from Shinran's robes) With so much snow piled upon you! (enters the house)

(stepping up into the room) Pray step up into the room! Okane, put on plenty of firewood!

(adding firewood) Pray step up! Dry your robes beside the hearth!

(to his disciples) Then let us accept their kindness. (removes his straw sandals, steps up into the room, and approaches the hearth. Jien and Ryokan follow his example)

Earlier tonight, I treated you with atrocious cruelty. Having drunk sake, I was out of my senses. In truth, I have been out of my senses of late. I was entirely in the wrong. I feel overwhelmed with shame. I spoke with sarcasm and bitter sneers. (with intense earnestness) That is what weighs most heavily upon my conscience. You must surely have thought me a base, contemptible wretch. It is only natural that you should. Ordinarily I despised such pettiness. But last night there was a mysterious, dark power within my heart that compelled me to commit such outrageous deeds. I was utterly powerless to resist it!

That is what is called the prompting of karma. When mortals commit sin, all are compelled by that power. No one can resist it. (A pause) I did not think you a base man; on the contrary, I looked upon you as a pure-hearted soul.

How gracious of you to speak so! When I uttered one word of cursing, the next curse rose spontaneously to my lips. I could not stop until I had exhausted every abuse! After I shut you out in the cold, my heart began to repent immediately. Yet cowardly, I sought to drown it in wine. This morning I was awakened, groaning in terror from a strange, horrifying dream. My drunkenness had vanished completely. I looked back upon the events of earlier tonight, and my heart was filled with the sharp anguish of remorse and an overwhelming longing to apologize! I thought: what if I should never have the chance to beg forgiveness? Just then, I found you freezing out there in the snow! Pray, forgive me!

The Buddha will surely forgive you. And that your heart may find peace, I too say: I forgive you—if indeed you have done any wrong against me. Yet I have no desire to judge you. In the first place, I am not worthy to judge anyone. Last night, when I first heard your words, I perceived the goodness of your heart at once. I faced you with a heart of friendly warmth. Yet you would not receive me. At that moment, I felt resentment against you. When I was driven outside, anger surged within my heart. Had it not been for your wife's interceding words, I might have cursed you. I told your wife that I would never curse you; yet as the night wore on and the bitter cold pierced my flesh, my heart began to harbor resentment against you all. I was by no means reciting the Nembutsu with a pure, beautiful heart like the Buddha's! First of all, I was nearly overwhelmed by physical agony. And then I had to do battle against the heart that cursed you. My soul was captive to sin and suffering!

Your talk is unlike that of any monk I have ever known. You speak as if you yourself were an evil man!

I believe myself to be an evil man. Yes, indeed! I am a sinner past saving! For my mind curses my fellow children of the Buddha; my flesh devours my fellow children of the Buddha. If not an evil man, what else could I be?

Our Master ever speaketh in this manner.

Lord Saemon also says the very same thing constantly.

(to Saemon) You have perceived a very profound truth. Your thoughts are true.

Does that not cause you agony? When I ponder it, I am driven to sheer desperation! I have a heart that yearns for goodness. Yet I cannot live without committing evil; nor can I live without being acutely conscious of that evil! That seems to me a terrible, irrational thing! At times I feel driven to say: 'It cannot be helped—I will become as wicked as I please!'

Lord Saemon says he will forge himself into a strong man capable of enduring evil, and deliberately tries to accustom himself to cruelty! And all the while, his conscience tortures him ceaselessly! In his agony he turns in desperation to drinking sake and the like. His temper has grown more and more savage, until I am truly filled with dread.

Since I am an inescapable villain anyway, I cannot bear to be insulted by other villains! Nor do I wish to flatter myself as a good man! I feel like declaring, 'I am a villain!' and running wild through the world! (A pause) Holy priest, pray tell me: do Paradise and Hell truly exist?

I believe they exist. First of all, I feel that Hell cannot fail to exist. When I have injured the destiny of another and it cannot be undone, I feel like crying out to someone: 'Pray scourge me! Pray punish me!' For I can find no way to make amends. And when I have done a cruel deed, I feel: 'How could such a deed go without retribution?' That is the living intuition of my soul.

I felt just that a short while ago! If I had lacked the opportunity to apologize to you, and it had ended thus forever—if you had wandered on pilgrimage with an unlifted curse forever—I felt that the evil I had wrought would never vanish, but would remain in solemn eternity! And whenever I slaughter a living fowl, I feel: 'How could such a deed go without retribution?' When I think of how I struck you, I feel like begging: 'Pray strike me!'

I believe that Hell must exist. And at the very same time, I believe there must surely be a way of deliverance from that Hell! Otherwise this world would be a hollow mockery. This existence could not stand! We are born, and this world exists; if so, then this universe must be a harmonious whole—somewhere it must be redeemed! In the very feeling when we repent of our wrongdoing, is there not already contained a foretaste of that which is not Hell? Sitting here around this hearth and conversing from heart to heart; those who quarreled before now forgiving one another—does not a tenderness that brings tears to the eyes fill our breasts? Does it not feel as though somewhere Paradise must surely exist?

I, too, feel that at times. Yet such feelings are instantly shattered! At the first provocation, everything changes in a moment. Within my heart, hatred and rage once more gain the upper hand, and I am filled only with emotions that bear witness to Hell!

It is the same with me. That is the actual reality of the human heart. The mortal heart changes with every impulse. Our hearts are easily scattered, like leaves before the wind.

And the very constitution of this world compels us to commit evil! I strove to live in the world as a good man. Yet for that very reason I was injured by worldly folk, and learned that survival was impossible! I had either to die, or to become a beggar. Yet I do not wish to die; my wife and child are dear to me. Nor could I bear to stand begging for pity at the gates of hateful wretches. I had no other path than to become a villain! Yet that, too, I detest. My heart is forever tormented!

Your suffering is the suffering that all men must bear. Only hypocrites are free from it. Any man who cherishes a yearning to be good, and can bear to look honestly into his own heart, must suffer just as you do. I hold your suffering sacred. Ever since I renounced the world at nine years of age, for decades on Mount Hiei and in Nara, I practiced austerities striving to make myself good. How I agonized, trying to eradicate every trace of curse from my heart! Yet that yearning could never be fulfilled. I came to know that within my very life there was a destiny that forbade it. I fell into despair! I believe: mortals can never become completely good. They can never exist without harming other life. We were created as such beings.

This is the first time I have ever heard such words from a Buddhist monk! Then is all mankind wicked? You as well?

I am a sinner of the deepest guilt! The more I encounter destiny, the more I realize the deep-rooted nature of my evil. Just as the vision of goodness opens before my spiritual eye, I am enabled to see evils that I never noticed before.

You said that Hell exists, did you not?

I believe it does.

(with a solemn expression) Then must you not fall into Hell?

As I am, I must fall into Hell. I do not consider that unjust.

Are you not terrified?

Far from not being terrified! Day and night I trembled before that dread! From of old I never doubted the existence of Hell. When I was yet a boy playing with comrades, we often sang the song: "The mother of Maudgalyayana was perverse of heart, and rode in a chariot of fire!" That song filled me with unbearable terror. From those early days I bore this dread within me. How might one escape from Hell? I pondered and agonized. I was taught: "Do not commit sin; amass roots of goodness!" I strove to do just that. Thenceforth, through trials and bitter austerities, I practiced. Ah, how I suffered! On snowy nights, I made a hundred nightly pilgrimages back and forth from Mount Hiei to the Rokkakudō, a journey of three leagues and a half! Yet for every root of goodness I piled up, ten evil karmas multiplied! It was just like the Riverbed of Sai, where children pile up pebbles only to have demons come and overturn them! The evil flourishing within my heart bore ever clearer witness to the reality of Hell. And I lost all hope of escaping from that evil. I resolved that my destined lot was none other than Hell!

You fill me with awe! Listening to your words, I can no longer think that Hell does not exist. A sharp, deep-rooted power from the depths of the soul presses upon me! Hitherto I coddled myself against fate, thinking that perhaps Hell might not exist. Today too, when my son asked whether Hell and Paradise really exist, I told him they were lies and fables; yet I had no conviction. I laughed in jest, saying that perhaps only Hell existed; yet I felt an eerie unease, thinking that it might truly be so. Conversing with you, all my self-indulgence vanishes! The deep wisdom of the soul is awakened, and the dread of Hell presses close upon me!

What with the story of last night's dream and all, I feel an eerie, creeping dread.

(The roar of the storm sweeps past outside) Is there no way of escape from that Hell?

If one cannot enter Paradise without becoming good, there is no longer any hope. But I believe that even though we are evil, through another law we are permitted to enter Paradise! That is Love. It is Forgiveness. It is a power that works beyond good and evil. By that power this world is upheld. That power is deeper than the distinction of good and evil, yet it gives birth to both good and evil. Monks hitherto have taught that one can enter Paradise through good deeds. I no longer believe that. Were it so, my portion would be Hell! But the Buddha saves us just as we are, in all our evil. He forgiveth our sins. That is the Buddha's Love! I believe in it; without believing in it, I could not live!

(his eyes shining) Even though one takes life, or commits adultery?

Even were he a sinner of the Ten Evil Deeds and Five Cardinal Sins!

In His Compassion there are no two ways.

That is called the Faith of Absolute Other-Power (Tariki), the way of salvation opened by our Master.

(silent, with a pale, strained countenance. Presently, under an extraordinary emotional surge, speaks in an altered tone) I feel a strange sensation! Suddenly it seems as though I have heard the voice of a wondrous, mighty bell! That sound resonated, echoing to the very bottom of my soul! I feel a familiar, harmonious peace, as though that which I had long waited for had arrived at last! I am filled with thanksgiving! Instantly I can believe in that salvation! And well I may—it is no lie; it must be true! I have awakened to it! As though I had known it from before, it has become mine—my very own possession! How blessed! I feel like weeping for joy!

It is the truth. When I met Master Hōnen at Yoshimizu, that salvation entered my heart in an instant. Just as you feel now, it was as if I had suddenly recalled something long forgotten. It is a thing of utter simplicity. It was a wonder to me that anyone could fail to understand this simple truth, so close to oneself! Look into the truth of our souls: We love. And we forgive. We forgive the evil of others. At such moments, our hearts are in deepest peace. We do nothing but evil deeds; we hate and curse. Yet among all the diverse workings of our defiled hearts, we know love! And we forgive! We all know the gratitude and tears of such moments. The principle of our salvation is that very same simple law. That simple truth revives from the bottom of the soul—and becomes faith!

Long have you suffered honestly. You looked straight into your own heart. The pilgrimage of your soul was fully prepared to receive the faith of Other-Power.

When there is an inner necessity moving from what went before to what follows, certainty is attained with such ease, just like water flowing to the lowest ground.

I believe your faith is firm and steadfast.

Tonight I feel joy! The peace that had deserted my heart for so many years seems to have returned to me! (with tears in his eyes)

Truly it is so. It has been a very long time since you were blessed with such a tender, softened heart!

You said that you were striving to accustom yourself to evil, did you not?

By nature I am soft-hearted, and that was my undoing. Thinking that it hindered my worldly survival, I thought I must become a villain.

And so he took up hunting, slaughtered fowls, and quarreled with the peasants!

I sympathize with your feelings. Yet that is forcing against nature. Have you ever considered what "karma" means? Even if a man strives to become evil, he cannot become evil by mere effort alone. And when prompted by karma, there is no sin he will not commit. Do not force yourself; follow obediently the true yearning of your heart. Since your inborn nature is good, it cannot be helped.

Then is it also forcing against nature to strive to become good?

If the desire to become good wells up within your heart, it is not forcing against nature. To be obedient means to follow the innate yearning of your soul. It is natural for the human soul to yearn for the good. Yet thwarted by the power of past karma, we cannot fulfill that yearning. We are being punished. We cannot eradicate evil. Salvation is to be embraced just as we are, while still burdened with evil. Yet I shall never lose the yearning to become good! That this yearning cannot be fulfilled is the earthly decree. I believe that this longing will be satisfied when, through the Nembutsu, we attain Buddhahood. Until the day I die, I intend to hold fast to this yearning!

Will it not become impossible to make a living?

It is rather proper that it should be impossible. It is only natural that a good man should become poor. If you naturally become poor, then resign yourself to being poor. A human being can live somehow or other. In the scriptures it is written that Skanda (Idaten) flies through the Three Realms to gather food and clothing for the children of the Buddha. Shakyamuni also begged his food. I too, as you see, wander on pilgrimage; yet up to this day I have lived. My son also manages to live somehow.

Do you have a child?

Yes. I left him in Kyoto. Ever since we parted when he was six years old, I have not seen him.

Goodness! And your wife?

We parted when I set out from Kyoto, and while I was in Echigo she passed away.

Without even being able to see her at her last hour!

Our Master, for the sake of the Dharma, incurred the displeasure of the authorities and was banished into exile. It was while under that Imperial ban that his lady passed away, so that he could not return to Kyoto. She died young, at the age of only twenty-six.

Her name was Lady Tamahi, a lady of wondrous beauty. The hardships our Master suffered thereafter were beyond all ordinary measure. Seeing that he was the son of a high court noble—

Pray say no more of that.

(with tears in her eyes) How dearly you must long to see your child!

Yes. From time to time he weighs upon my mind.

It is only natural.

(to Matsuwaka) How old might you be?

(blushing) Eleven.

A fine lad. (strokes his head)

He is somewhat frail in health, which troubles us.

Indeed, his complexion is a little pale.

Ryokan, pray examine my portable altar (oi) a moment. When the staff struck it earlier, there was a strange sound; could it be...?

(opens the altar and looks inside) Oh! The image of Amida Buddha is broken! (takes out a small statue of Amida Tathagata)

The left hand has broken off!

(turning pale) Pray let me see it! (gazes intently at the small Buddha image. Presently tears fall profusely from his eyes)

Lord Saemon, what is the matter?

I cannot bear it! Behold the sacred majesty of this exquisitely carved countenance! And I struck and shattered this holy image with my staff! This beautiful left hand—this hand carved with such beauty down to each and every finger! The savagery of my soul is brought home to me anew! What an evil thing I have done! The depth of my karma terrifies me! I struck Master Shinran; I abused his holy disciples; and I have maimed the Buddha image! I... I... (weeps)

Lord Saemon, weep not. To forgive even one as deeply sinful as you, just as you are—that is the boundless compassion of the Buddha. I bestow this Buddha image upon you as a keepsake. Whenever you look upon it, remember the depth of your karma; and trust in the Buddha who forgiveth the child of such grievous sin; and with that heart, love your neighbors. (A pause) The night will soon be dawning. I must take my leave. We must hasten on tomorrow's journey. Ryokan, Jien, make ready. (Shinran rises)

(clutching the sleeve of Shinran's robe) Pray wait! I will renounce the world! From this day forth I will accompany you! Take me with you wherever you go!

(deeply moved) I understand your heart. Tears spring to my eyes. Yet pray abandon that thought. The faith of the Pure Land gate is a faith to be lived as a householder. A merchant remains a merchant; a hunter remains a hunter. That is why I too take a wife and eat meat. I am no monk. While remaining a layman in outward form, my heart has renounced the world. Do not be bound by outward forms; it is the heart that is precious.

Yet to part from you thus is bitter sorrow. When shall I ever see you again?

At least stay with us for four or five days!

Those who meet must part. Such is the decree of this world. If you yearn for me, pray recite Namu Amida Butsu. I dwell within that Name!

Then must you depart whatever we may say?

If karmic affinity permits, the day may come when we shall meet again.

Whither will you turn your steps from here?

We have no fixed destination.

In this manner I have parted from many, many people. Within my heart dwell the unforgettable memories of those souls. From this day forward, I add you also among them. I shall never forget you. Though we are parted, I will pray for you.

I, too, shall never forget you as long as I live. I will pray for you.

Pray take good care of your health! (with tears in her eyes)

The dawn has begun to break.

The snow seems to have ceased as well.

Then farewell.

Farewell.

Farewell. (to Matsuwaka) Come, say farewell.

Uncle, farewell!

(embraces Matsuwaka in the sleeve of his robe) Farewell. Grow big and noble, my child!

Farewell.

Farewell.

There is still a little time before the service begins, is there not?

It will commence shortly. The main hall is already packed with pilgrims.

It strikes one anew how remarkably prosperous our school has become.

There are so many worshippers that those unable to enter the main hall are spilling out into the corridors. And no wonder—today is the memorial service for Master Hōnen, to whom our Master was so deeply devoted.

It could hardly be otherwise. In his lifetime, he was revered as the living Buddha of Kurodani. Why, when he was exiled to Tosa, young and old, men and women, formed a human wall along his route from Shichijō to Toba, all weeping bitterly as they saw him off.

I accompanied him as far as the South Gate of Toba at that time. From there, he traveled by riverboat. The beloved figure of the Master—his long white hair tucked beneath a courtier's cap, clad in a light-blue hunting robe as he stepped from his palanquin and boarded the boat—seems to stand before my very eyes even now.

It has already been twenty-three years since his passing, has it not? How swiftly the months and days fly by! No wonder we have all grown old.

Both Master Hōnen and our own Master have endured so many tribulations. The flourishing of our teaching today is entirely due to their hardships.

If Master Hōnen could behold the majestic vitality of the Pure Land gate today, how immensely gratified he would be!

Our Master too has advanced considerably in years.

I trust his recent indisposition is nothing serious?

No, he merely caught a slight chill.

Given his advanced age, he must take the utmost care of himself.

Lord Yuien attends upon him with such devotion, we can rest assured.

Young though he is, Lord Yuien is wonderfully attentive to everything.

He is such a gentle, mild-mannered soul, after all.

And our Master seems to cherish Lord Yuien beyond all others.

All matters of personal service are entrusted solely to Lord Yuien.

(Enters, walking along the corridor toward the main hall, bowing courteously to the monks) Pardon me, reverend fathers.

Lord Yuien!

Yes? (Pauses)

Are you on urgent business?

No, nothing in particular. I merely thought I would go and look in on the main hall.

Then pray step in here for a moment. There are things we would like to ask you.

Let us pour some tea and chat until the service begins.

How is our Master feeling?

He is resting at present.

His condition is not cause for anxiety, I hope?

No, he is almost entirely recovered. Even today, being the solemn memorial of Master Hōnen, he insisted on rising to conduct the service, but I prevailed upon him to take prudent care and rest. He is already well enough to rise and take strolls in the garden.

That is well indeed. He must not overtax his strength.

Unlike ordinary beings like ourselves, his life is of supreme importance.

Truly, he is the pillar and bedrock of the Nembutsu faith.

That our Pure Land school, beset by so many doctrinal adversaries after Master Hōnen's passing, has withstood every storm and achieved today's prosperity is entirely the fruit of our Master's transcendent virtue.

If, heaven forbid, anything untoward were to befall our Master now, our school would be plunged into utter darkness.

We ourselves, and the countless disciples across the land, would lose our Good Teacher (Kalyāṇamitra) and be left wandering in helpless dismay.

And his son, Lord Zenran, upon whom one would hope to rely, is in such a deplorable state...

Though born to inherit the lineage of our Dharma, that he should rebel against his own father is truly wretched.

His temperament is so violent and turbulent, completely unlike our Master's.

An unworthy son, as the saying goes.

I only pray that his father's displeasure toward him may soon be softened and dissolved.

Nay, with conduct such as his, it is only natural that his disownment remains in force. If such a man were to succeed as our lineage holder, it would stain the very name of our school.

It would surely prove a grave hindrance to our universal propagation.

Even as it is, the world censures our school's doctrine of faith (Anjin), accusing us of discarding all moral virtues.

Lord Zenran is a good person at heart. He is not at all what you gentlemen imagine. After speaking with him for only a short while, I came to care for him deeply. Whatever he may have done in the past, I cannot bring myself to think him an evil man.

With all respect to your words, Lord Yuien, Lord Zenran is not only dissolute and unruly in his personal conduct, but he also openly opposes the Pure Land faith.

If one chooses to live a life of dissipation, surely the Pure Land faith is the only possible path of deliverance, is it not?

Then his attitude is not: 'Because even the evil are saved, let us indulge in evil'?

I thought so at first as well. But that does not seem to be the truth of it. And that is precisely why I find him so incomprehensible.

In that case, our Master's indignation is only to be expected.

You cannot imagine how deeply our Master frets over Lord Zenran in secret.

Yet as things stand now, there is little hope of the disownment being lifted. After all, it has been a long estrangement dating back to their years in Inada.

I hear that Lord Zenran has come up to the capital from Inada this time...

An audience will hardly be granted him.

I beg of you, gentlemen, please intercede on his behalf so that a meeting might somehow be granted.

We could never dare attempt such a thing. We would only incur our Master's severe rebuke.

Unless Lord Zenran's own heart undergoes a true repentance, it would do him more harm than good.

It fills my heart with sorrow.

Who is delivering today's sermon?

I am scheduled to speak.

Upon what theme do you intend to preach?

I intend to speak on 'Spiritual Joy' (Hōetsu)—the joy felt by those who entrust themselves to the Buddha's salvation, what the sutras call the sentiment of 'leaping and dancing with supreme ecstasy' (yuyaku kangi). Wealth I need not, worldly honor I do not desire; for I possess the joy of the Dharma, far sweeter than either. It is because of that very joy that I have lived in poverty to this ripe age, clad in ink-black robes.

Indeed so! I have not the slightest envy for the fine silks of others, for I believe my heart is adorned with an invisible brocade.

I intend to declare to them today: 'Do you know the taste of this spiritual joy? If you know it not, then though you heap up boundless riches, I pronounce you a pauper!' (Squaring his shoulders proudly)

That is a bold, forceful declaration indeed!

To the young men and maidens, I shall say: 'Do you know the taste of this spiritual joy? If you know it not, though you be intoxicated with delightful romance, I pronounce you pitiable souls!'

The young folks will surely prick up their ears at that.

'Strip me of all else'—so I will say—'take my riches, my honors, my romances! But leave me this joy of the Dharma alone. To be robbed of that would be, for me, no different from death itself!'

How exhilarating it is to hear you express the very sentiments burning within my own heart!

My heart feels exactly the same. Without that joy, our lives would be wretched indeed. What could be more dreary than a monk's existence without it? It is solely by that joy that I live.

I shall tell them that this joy is the very proof of our salvation. We place no hope in this defiled, fleeting world (Sahā). Our hope is anchored solely in the Pure Land of Serene Sustenance. Though stricken with illness, we do not fear death. For death to us is not a loss, but supreme gain—since we go to live forever in the Land of Peace and Bliss. That is the essence of what I mean to preach.

Every word of it is true. It is the living reality experienced by every true believer among us.

That the founding masters of old could pass their whole lives in poverty yet maintain an air of tranquil, abundant nobility was because their hearts possessed this ecstasy of leaping joy.

Lord Yuien, what are you pondering so deeply?

You seem remarkably subdued.

Your complexion looks pale as well. Are you feeling unwell?

No... only that, somehow, my heart feels heavy.

When your spirits sink like that, go sit before the Buddha and recite the Nembutsu. It will make your heart bright and serene.

Is that so?

Chanting the sutras aloud with a resonant voice is also very good.

Perhaps it is partly because your faith is still insufficient. Pray do not take offense—I speak only as an elder. But when one receives the Buddha's great compassion, the heart ought always to be filled with gladness. One should be brimming with everlasting hope. Moreover, when we contemplate the Buddha's aeons of arduous labor for our sake, our breasts must continually overflow with thanksgiving and tender love for all sentient beings. To be devoid of spiritual joy is, I fear, a sign that one has not yet truly attained settled faith (gyakutoku). Do not take it amiss. Why, in one's youth, everyone goes through such phases.

Ah, the bell signaling the service is ringing!

We must proceed to the main hall.

Let us go together, then. Lord Yuien, will you come?

I must attend to our Master's needs, so I shall remain here.

What a tremendous crowd of worshippers today!

The weather is so lovely, after all.

My, the dust is kicking up terribly! (Frowning)

Your coiffure has turned quite white with dust, mistress.

Has it really? (Takes out a hand-towel and dusts off her hair) We walked in such a hurry that I'm covered in sweat. (Wipes her forehead and neck)

Truly, it is almost too warm for autumn.

We have the incense, the rice bag, the flowers—everything is here, yes?

All properly accounted for, mistress.

Listen, the temple service bell is ringing!

We've arrived at the perfect moment.

Let us hurry to the main hall. (They exit at the opposite end of the street)

(Enters, standing behind Yuien) Yuien. Yuien.

What are you doing in a place like this?

I was daydreaming, watching the people passing through the town.

It is fine weather today, is it not?

It is warm enough to feel almost hot for autumn.

What a great number of pilgrims have gathered.

Yes. Looking down from here, all manner of people pass beneath.

Let's go a bit slower!

But if we're late, we'll get scolded again.

I'm completely worn out.

If you nod off like you did last night, you'll catch a beating.

But I was so sleepy I couldn't help it!

It's awfully hot today. (Wipes sweat with his hand)

Don't slap your sandals against the ground like that!

What a lot of people!

They're all heading to the temple to worship.

Shall we stop and look at the sideshow banners?

(Pausing as if tempted) No, if we're late we'll catch it, so let's hurry on. (They exit)

One sees so many varied conditions of the world passing by. Ever since my youth, watching the passersby has always brought a sense of melancholy to my heart.

I too have been feeling just that way for some time now.

Shall we rest here for a little while?

That would be wonderful. (Brings a cushion and arranges it for him) It is so clear today that Mount Hiei can be seen with such vivid clarity.

(Sitting down) Even now, countless practitioners are undergoing austerities upon that mountain.

You too spent many years in ascetic practice on that mountain in your youth, did you not?

I first climbed that mountain when I was nine years old, and until I met Master Hōnen at the age of twenty-nine, almost all my spiritual training was carried out there.

Those days must come back vividly to your memory.

I could never forget those times. Between youthful diligence and ardent yearning, I wrestled in deep, single-minded agony. In the stillness of the forest I meditated quietly, or searched ravenously through the sacred scriptures. And at dusk, looking down upon the city of Kyoto as night fell, I felt an almost drifting, poignant loneliness.

Then at my present age, you were already living upon that mountain. In what frame of mind did you pass your days?

At your age, an inner anxiety began to press upon me with ever-tightening urgency. It was a time of bitter suffering. No matter how many sutras I read, none brought peace to my aching heart. And I had to keep that turmoil locked within my own breast, living in utter isolation.

Were there not many young ascetics of your own age near you?

There were hundreds of them. Fierce men performing terrifying austerities, scholars grudging even a moment's sleep to pore over texts, ascetics preserving their purity like mountain immortals—all kinds of men. I did not lag behind in doing whatever they did; I even performed the most extreme practices. Yet within my heart lay a loneliness that could never be shared with them—a yearning for the love and sorrow of mortal human life. Had I spoken of it, they would either have ignored me or treated me with scorn. So I guarded that feeling alone within my breast. That loneliness grew silently within me, unseen by others. By the time I finally resolved to descend the mountain, I felt as though I was on the very brink of spiritual bankruptcy.

Master... lately, I cannot help but feel an overwhelming loneliness. At times, my mind drifts into a daze. Today as well, standing here and watching the people go by, tears welled up in my eyes unbidden.

(Looking into Yuien's face) That is only natural. (A pause) You are deeply sensitive by nature.

There is no particular cause I can point to. Yet I feel so lonely, so sorrowful. Sometimes I feel as though I want to weep until no more tears remain. Brother Yōren says it is because my physical body is frail. I wonder if that might be so. Yet it seems to be more than just that. I do not understand my own heart. Is it permissible for me to be so lonely?

To be lonely is only true and real. When you are lonely, there is nothing for it but to accept your loneliness.

Will this loneliness pass away in time?

Who can say? You may well become even more lonely. What is now a vague, drifting melancholy may later turn into a famished, aching solitude.

Are you not lonely yourself?

I, too, am lonely. I expect I shall remain lonely all my life long. Though my loneliness now is of a different nature from yours.

In what way is it different?

(Gazing at Yuien with compassionate tenderness) Your loneliness is one that can still be healed by an object, but mine is a loneliness that nothing in this world can ever heal. It is loneliness as the fundamental destiny of human existence. That is something you cannot truly comprehend until you have lived through more of life. Your present loneliness will gradually take shape and concentrate toward a center. Only after enduring that loneliness will the true loneliness arrive—a loneliness such as I bear now. But these are not matters that can be understood merely by being told; you will come to know them of yourself.

Then what should I do?

When you are lonely, let yourself be lonely. Destiny is nurturing you. Only do everything with a single, sincere heart. Do not twist yourself, do not evade, do not deceive yourself—faithfully follow the genuine desire of your heart. If you grasp that alone, it is enough. To know what the true desire of one's heart is, is not something understood all at once, for we create all manner of delusions for ourselves. Yet so long as you remain sincere, the wisdom to perceive it will gradually be polished and revealed.

I cannot fully understand all that you say. Yet I intend to live with absolute sincerity.

Yes. You possess an upright, single-minded, good disposition. I love you for it. You must cherish that quality. Face destiny straightforwardly. Wisdom is polished by destiny alone. Though you seem young for your years at present, you will grow into greatness in the days to come.

A little while ago, Brother Chiō rebuked me.

What did he say?

He said that my feeling lonely is proof that my faith is lacking. He said that whoever believes in the Buddha's salvation must possess spiritual joy, and that such joy is the proof of being saved. If the ecstasy of leaping and dancing fills one's breast, there can be no loneliness; therefore, to be lonely is proof that one is not saved.

Hmm... (Ponders deeply)

Master... um... (Blushing) What kind of thing is romantic love?

(Solemnly) It is an agonizing thing.

Is love a sin?

It is entangled with sin. In this world, one cannot love without creating sin.

Then one must never fall in love, must one?

Even if one must not, everyone falls in love at least once in their life. It is like a barrier checkpoint on the journey of human existence. When one crosses that barrier, a brand-new landscape opens before one's eyes. One might almost say that the course of most people's lives is determined by how they cross that checkpoint.

Is it such a momentous thing?

It is an indispensable material of life like no other. If a person confronts this checkpoint with earnest sincerity, they learn destiny; they learn love. All the buds of wisdom awaken at once. The soul becomes able to perceive the profound essence of things. But if one approaches this barrier with a frivolous, flippant heart, one becomes blind and shiftless. Losing the strength to yearn for the serene land beyond, one exhausts all one's vitality on this side of the barrier and collapses in utter ruin.

Then can love and faith truly harmonize?

Love is the passageway into faith. If you pursue any pure, single-minded human longing to its ultimate end, it invariably merges into religious consciousness. When in love, the human heart becomes wondrously pure. It understands the sorrow of life. It touches earthly destiny. From there, faith is very close.

Then is it permissible for me to fall in love?

(Smiling) How charming your way of asking is! I say neither that it is good nor that it is bad. If you fall in love, let it be. Only pursue it with a sincere, single-minded heart.

Did you also experience love in your youth?

Yes. (A pause) It was when I was undergoing arduous austerities on Mount Hiei. Acting as a representative for Archbishop Jichin, I was summoned to the Imperial Court to compose a waka poem before the Emperor. The designated topic happened to be 'Love.' Among the poems composed by many court nobles, mine was judged the finest, and the Emperor was pleased to grant me an imperial reward. Filled with awe and reverence, I was about to withdraw. Then one of the court nobles remarked: 'For you to compose such a poem, you must surely have experienced love yourself. That is a feeling no one could understand without having been in love. Tell us, have you ever known love?'

What did you reply?

I replied that I had no memory of any such thing. At that, the noble retorted: 'It is useless to lie like that! For an ordained monk to fall in love is scandalous!' I heard the other courtiers snickering behind their sleeves.

Did they not speak in earnest?

They were merely teasing me, making a laughingstock of it. With my dignity wounded, I departed from the Palace. How burning with shame I felt! On my way back to Mount Hiei, I could not help examining myself in earnest: 'Do I truly know nothing of love?' I could not honestly say that. Why then had I been unable to say, 'I have loved'? Why had I told a lie? Because a monk was forbidden to love. A wave of disgust washed over me. I abhorred the hypocrisy of our lives with renewed intensity. The monastic austerities on the mountain came to feel intolerably hypocritical, a mere rigid formality. From that moment, the resolve to descend the mountain began to stir within me. Could there not be a way to live without telling lies? Could there not be a path where even those who love can be saved? I could not help pondering this unceasingly.

Of all evils, there is surely none worse than hypocrisy. You once told me that a hypocrite is further from the Buddha than a murderer.

That is precisely so. Far more than a sinner who, driven by a hundred evil deeds, keenly feels his own guilt, the hypocrite who accumulates petty virtues and refuses to acknowledge his own evil is excluded from the Buddha's love. The Buddha saves us knowing that we are evil. For his salvation is meant precisely for the evil person.

What a profound difference from the teachings of the Holy Path (Shōdōmon), which hold that only the good can be saved!

Whatever others may say, for a wretch like myself there would be no prospect of salvation under such a teaching. I can never forget... once, returning to the mountain after a night pilgrimage to Rokkakudō, I met a woman on the road. It was a freezing night, the moon shining like frost in the sky. She begged me to take her with me up the mountain. I refused, telling her that Mount Hiei was strictly barred to women. At that, she clung to the sleeve of my robe and wept bitterly. She pleaded desperately with all her might, saying she too wished to practice and be saved, begging me to take her up and let her take vows. No matter what I said, she would not listen. Finally, she cried out in bitter grief: 'Must women be left unsaved, then?' I was at my wit's end. On that mountain, it was held that women are so deeply sinful that even the Buddhas of the three worlds have abandoned them. Having no choice, I told her the truth as taught, hoping to make her resign herself. The moment she heard it, her face turned deathly pale. Then, beating her breast, she poured forth a torrent of curses against the Buddha—and fled into the darkness like an arrow.

Oh, what a pitiable thing to happen!

Yet I could not take her up the mountain. The storm was howling fiercely through the forest. The woman's curse struck to the very bottom of my heart, and I returned to the mountain as if in a daze. That night, I could not sleep a single wink. From that night on, the thought that women too must be saved never left my mind. Night after night I walked down to Rokkakudō, praying to Kannon Bodhisattva. I prayed, weeping in desperation, caring nothing if I died. From that period on, my view of things began to change completely. My aversion to life on the mountain reached its peak. On my way back from Rokkakudō, I would often lean against the railing of Sanjō Bridge and gaze at the passersby. Fierce-looking warriors, merchants absorbed in mental calculations, an old man walking with his daughter—and young fellows whistling as they made their way toward the pleasure quarters. With what tender intimacy I looked upon those people! I felt that every one of them must be forgiven and saved. I felt it was better to preserve the world's life just as it was. 'Just as they are! Just as they are!' my heart cried out. 'Are they not all already saved?' When I returned to the mountain, I felt that it was no longer my home.

It was then that you met Master Hōnen, was it not?

It was entirely the wondrous arrangement of Kannon Bodhisattva. In Master Hōnen's presence, I could do nothing but weep and weep without ceasing.

(With tears in his eyes) I understand your heart so deeply.

Ah, Master, here you were!

I was sitting here in the sun, talking with Yuien.

How is your health feeling?

I am almost entirely well now. Thank you.

That is wonderful to hear. Pray continue to take good care.

Sit down and talk with us here, both of you. How did things go in the main hall?

It was filled with worshippers to overflowing. The service has concluded, and Brother Chiō is in the midst of delivering his sermon.

Everyone seemed deeply moved by Brother Chiō's fervent preaching.

It was an authoritative, powerful sermon. The entire congregation listened in awe and reverence.

Today's sermon was an especially magnificent achievement.

His theme was 'Spiritual Joy,' as expected?

You were already aware of it, Master?

Chiō mentioned it to me before, and I heard a little about it from Yuien earlier.

He spoke with great eloquence, emphasizing how religious ecstasy is far more precious and exalted than worldly riches, fame, or any earthly pleasure.

He even declared it to be sweeter than romantic love.

He said that in it there is neither fear of death, nor the loneliness of solitude, nor any temptation toward the floating world.

He pronounced that spiritual joy is the very proof of salvation.

Hearing that sermon made me feel anew what a singularly blessed circumstance it is for us who have renounced the world.

Hearing that filled me with anxiety. Lately, I always feel lonely. There are times when I gaze in a daze and chant the sutras without my heart leaping with joy. Being of frail constitution, when I had a slight fever last month, I was terrified that I might die. To die now would fill me with such unutterable regret. I find myself yearning for something, longing fondly for the floating world. I cannot produce such a powerful testimony as Brother Chiō does. If spiritual joy is the proof of salvation, does that mean I am not saved? Even though I am like this, I have never doubted that the Buddha will save me, yet...

I expect it is simply because your physical body is frail.

Is it not rather because your faith is still young?

Master, what is the truth of it? Pray tell me. My heart is tormented with anxiety. Am I saved? Or am I not?

You are saved. There is no need for worry. The truth is, I myself live in the very same frame of mind as you, Yuien. When sick, I fear death; I am incessantly stirred by blind passions; and at times I am overcome by unbearable loneliness. The feeling of leaping and dancing with joy is something I too am all too often neglectful of. Though at times I enter a burning absorption of spiritual joy, that high tide soon scatters like ashes. I am in constant suffering.

(Looking at Shinran in astonishment) You, Master?

I constantly reproach myself, wondering why I should be like this. My karmic hindrances are profound beyond measure. If even in my old age I am like this, it is only natural that young Yuien should suffer so! Yet I never for a moment doubt my salvation. For the Buddha, knowing beforehand that we are ordinary mortals possessed of blind passions (bonbu), vowed to save us—hopeless sinners that we are—just as we are!

Then is Brother Chiō's thinking mistaken?

No, it is not mistaken. Karmic hindrances vary in depth from person to person. One who can sustain continuous spiritual joy is a blessed soul, and I bless such a person. Some have few blind passions, while others suffer from fierce passions. It is only shallow to make spiritual joy the 'proof' of salvation. I intend to speak of this to Chiō as well, so listen carefully: Salvation has no proofs whatsoever! To seek proof is our own calculation—a form of self-power (jiriki). Salvation has already been accomplished by the Buddha's Primal Vow. Regardless of our personal spiritual capacity (ki), we have only to believe. Those with the shallowest karmic hindrances and those with the deepest will walk through this world in vastly different ways; yet both alike are saved.

How deeply grateful I feel! It is more than I deserve.

I had never realized that. Whether spiritual joy be present or absent, salvation stands established regardless of the fluctuating states of our hearts, does it not?

Were it not so, it could never be called a secure salvation that cannot be shattered by destiny. For the states of our hearts are swayed by destiny.

It seems the stubborn root of self-power—seeking to be saved by one's own merit—still lingered within me. To surrender everything back to the Buddha is no easy matter.

How one longs for that simple, obedient heart that entrusts everything unreservedly!

The more I hear, the more profound this teaching reveals itself to be.

Everyone is already saved. They simply have not awakened to it.

(Enters) Ah, here you all were! The sermon has only just concluded. (He is visibly excited)

Thank you for your labors. Rest here for a little while.

Master, I have a humble favor to ask of you. Just as I concluded my sermon, five or six fellow practitioners came up to the preaching platform and begged me to arrange an audience with you, saying they longed above all things to meet Lord Shinran.

Do they have some special business with me?

They say they have journeyed from far-off provinces to inquire into the momentous matter of rebirth in the Pure Land (ōjō). Their faces were brimming with earnest devotion.

If it concerns the path of rebirth, they must surely have heard it preached many times already. It is a matter of utmost simplicity, and I have nothing new to add.

I told them as much myself. Furthermore, seeing that you have been slightly indisposed, I suggested they come another day. Yet because they have traveled from afar, they pleaded almost in tears that I grant them sight of Lord Shinran. Their sincerity was so touching that I felt deep compassion for them. Though I am loath to trouble you in your convalescence, I ventured to come and ask.

That is an easy matter. If they wish to see me, I am always glad to meet them. Only pray inform them beforehand that I know nothing of difficult, learned matters. Bring them in at once.

Thank you, Master. How overjoyed they will be! (Exits)

It seems they have come from quite distant provinces.

What earnest fellow practitioners they must be!

To journey all the way to Kyoto solely out of longing to meet our Master—I find it truly admirable.

(Seeing the fellows hesitating bashfully) Come, pray step forward here. Do not stand on ceremony.

I am Shinran. (Indicating the disciples) And these are fellow practitioners who are constantly by my side.

Are you indeed Lord Shinran? (Tearfully gazes intently at Shinran)

How happy I am! I have prayed to meet you at least once in my lifetime.

When we crossed the Barrier of Ōsaka and were told, 'This is Kyoto,' tears spilled from my eyes.

Truly, it was an arduous journey beyond words.

Our long-cherished prayer has been granted; nothing could fulfill our deepest hopes more than this.

In the main hall earlier, I was on pins and needles, terrified that we might be turned away.

(Deeply moved) How good of you to have sought me out from afar! I too am filled with gladness. From where have you traveled?

We have come from the province of Hitachi.

And we are from Echigo.

Have you truly journeyed from such great distances?

It was a very long journey indeed.

It must have been. Both Hitachi and Echigo are lands woven with the deepest memories for me.

Throughout our province, wherever the fellows gather, we speak constantly of you.

The profound spiritual influence you left behind has spread throughout every corner of our land.

Even before laying eyes upon you, how ardently we have yearned for your presence!

I too feel a fond nostalgia. The days when I wandered on pilgrimage through those regions come rushing back to mind.

Many things have changed since those days.

Naturally so—it has already been twenty years since then.

Only the snow piles just as deep as ever.

The sight of the Echigo mountain ranges buried beneath deep snow is something I can never forget as long as I live.

Would you not consider visiting us once more?

If karmic affinity permits. Yet I shall likely never go again, for I have grown old.

What age have you reached, Master?

I am seventy-five.

We heard a moment ago that you have been unwell.

Yes, I caught a slight chill, but I am almost entirely well now.

Pray take the utmost care of your precious health.

For you cannot imagine how deeply all of us rely upon you.

Thank you for your kind words. (A pause, indicating Yuien) This young man also hails from Hitachi.

I was born in the village of Daimon in Hitachi province.

To hear you are from our home province makes us feel so close. Have you been in Kyoto for long?

It has been ten years since I left home. My father remains in the province, and I long for him dearly.

Fifteen years ago, while on pilgrimage through Hitachi, I was caught in a blizzard and granted shelter for a night at this young man's home. From that karmic affinity, we have come to live together morning and evening like this.

Karmic affinity is a wondrous thing indeed.

Even the brushing of sleeves against another is said to be predestined from past lives.

Even our gathering here like this to spend half a day in warm conversation would never be granted without karmic ties.

Neither a single meeting nor a single parting can ever be brought about by mere human contrivance. The sorrows and joys of human life are appointments made in previous existences.

Whenever I contemplate karmic affinity, tears rise to my eyes. Even those born as enemies in this world who wound each other—if only they awakened to karmic affinity, surely they would find it in their hearts to forgive one another. Could they not weep and clasp hands, saying: 'Ah, what an unfortunate karmic bond we shared'?

Even a husband and wife who cannot get along—if karmic affinity binds them, they cannot part all their lives long. When they enter the grave, everything will become clear, and they will rejoice together that they stayed by each other's side to the very end.

'How good that I loved! How good that I forgave! How fortunate that I did not curse back then!'—so they will surely think.

It is best for all people to live in harmony and peace.

(Shifting closer on his knees) The truth is, the reason we have crossed the borders of more than ten provinces to come all the way to Kyoto is because the single matter of rebirth in the Pure Land weighs heavily upon our hearts. Above all else, we yearn to be saved in the great affair of the afterlife. Speaking on behalf of us all, I implore you with single-minded devotion: pray teach us the true way to rebirth in the Pure Land!

That you seek the Way with such desperate earnestness is truly admirable. It always grieves me to see people of the world treat faith as a trifling matter. Faith is a momentous affair! It is a mortal duel. It is the crossroads dividing hell from the Pure Land—the matter that a human being must confront with the utmost gravity. But tell me: did you not hear the Dharma preached at the temples in your home provinces?

We have heard it preached many times.

And how was it preached to you?

We were told that if we single-mindedly beseech Amida Buddha to save us in the life to come, whatever evil sinner we may be, the Buddha will unfailingly deliver us. That is what we have heard.

That is precisely it. That is quite sufficient.

Up to that point, we have heard it repeatedly and understand it well. But we came hoping you would teach us what lies beyond that in greater detail.

What would you do with such knowledge?

We wish to ensure our entrance into the Pure Land.

Entrance into the Pure Land is assured with absolute certainty through the very Nembutsu that you have heard and know so well in your home provinces.

Yet somehow, we cannot help feeling uneasy.

Be at peace. That alone is entirely sufficient.

We longed to hear your own personal faith and understanding (Anjin), Master.

My own faith is nothing other than that very same Nembutsu.

Yet that seems almost too simple, devoid of any profound subtlety.

That very simplicity is the true glory of our school! Unless a thing is simple, it cannot be ultimate truth, nor can it touch the hearts of all people.

That may well be, but you spent long years in learned study on Mount Hiei and in Nara. We are simple, unlettered folk who may not fully comprehend, yet pray disclose to us some part of your profound scholarship.

It was precisely to hear that that we journeyed all this way.

It would be our greatest treasure to take back to our home province.

(His countenance turning deeply solemn) Nay! Such varied scholarly learning, far from aiding entrance into the Pure Land, serves only as a hindrance. Faith and scholarship are entirely different matters! Even though one were to master all eighty-four thousand dharma-gates, that would not open the gates of the Pure Land. The Nembutsu alone is the act of right determination (shōjō no gō). If you came journeying from afar, imagining that Shinran must possess profound mastery of scriptures and commentaries, or know some secret path to rebirth unknown to others, you are grievously mistaken. I know nothing of difficult, learned matters. If that is what you seek, there are eminent scholars aplenty in the Southern Capital of Nara and on the Northern Peak of Mount Hiei. Go there and inquire of them!

We are overwhelmed by your humble words, which make you seem all the more revered to us.

You, who were renowned as the foremost intellect of Mount Hiei—how could anything you say be slighted?

With all the learning I amassed on Mount Hiei and in Nara, I could never find the path of deliverance from birth-and-death. I cast away all my learning! And hearing the words of my Good Master that we need only recite the Nembutsu to be saved by Amida, I believed—and other than that, there is no secret doctrine whatsoever!

Is that the absolute truth?

Why should I tell you a falsehood? Do not imagine that I am holding something back. All truth is fundamentally simple. As a method of salvation, viewed from the outside, nothing could be simpler than the Nembutsu—it is merely six syllables: Namu Amida Butsu! Yet if you enter into its inner spirit, it is infinitely deep and inexhaustibly complex. In truth, you might spend your entire lives without ever reaching its bottom. Human love, destiny, sorrow—all that you experience throughout your whole lifetime has been distilled and poured into this one simple vessel. As you walk along life's journey, each time you look back, the depth of these six syllables will reveal itself more and more. (Speaking with mounting fervor) That is what is called the growth of true wisdom! It is completely different from mastering the doctrines of scholarly texts. For though knowledge increases, the eye of the heart does not grow bright. If you ask Shinran's counsel, I tell you: the recitation of the Name that you already know so well is entirely sufficient! To boast in learned scriptural knowledge is out of the question. Rather, let each of you strive to savor the true spirit of the Nembutsu. Love others. Forgive others. Bear your sorrows with patience. Suffer through the promptings of your karma. Look destiny squarely in the face. When you do so, the eyes with which you behold all the phenomena of life will grow moist with tears. The Buddha's great compassion will permeate your soul with profound gratitude. Namu Amida Butsu will fit your heart with perfect, snug harmony. That is what true scholarship is!

We are utterly humbled. Even slow-witted folk like ourselves have understood to the depths of our being. To be granted entrance into the Pure Land, we have only to recite the Nembutsu! That alone, and nothing more!

My mind feels as clear and bright as if cut through by a sharp blade.

Only permit me to ask this one thing: Is there any proof that by reciting the Nembutsu one is reborn in the Pure Land?

Faith has no proofs! If you demand proof, you are not believing. (With sudden, forceful conviction) If Amida's Primal Vow is true, the teachings of Śākyamuni cannot be falsehoods. If Śākyamuni's teachings are not falsehoods, Master Shandao's commentaries cannot be untruths. If Master Shandao's commentaries are not untruths, how could the exhortations of Master Hōnen possibly be empty deceit? (A pause) Nay, even if I were deceived by Master Hōnen and, reciting the Nembutsu, fell into hell, I would have no regret! For if Amida's Primal Vow does not exist, I am a wretch destined for hell in any case. I am a hopeless sinner destined for perdition! Yes—if I were to express my innermost heart with utmost starkness: whether the Nembutsu is truly the seed for rebirth in the Pure Land, or the karmic cause for tumbling into hell, I may say I know nothing of it at all! I simply entrust everything—everything! My hope, my life, my very self, I place into the Buddha's hands. Wherever He may take me, let Him take me!

I feel so thoroughly ashamed. What a wretched heart I had—to think that unless I had proof, I would not believe! How base and shameful!

The self-power (jiriki) lurking in my heart has been exposed to the full light of day.

I realize now that I had erected all manner of walls, shutting out the Buddha's compassion.

I had not yet entrusted myself completely.

I feel as though the petty vanity and flattering self-reliance in my heart are crumbling away.

(Tearfully) What an utterly reliable vow the Buddha has made for us!

I feel uneasy at having spoken so pretentiously. By no means seek to master difficult, complicated matters. Cling to the Buddha with the simple, innocent heart of a child. Our talk has become rather too doctrinal. Let us speak of lighter things. Have you seen the famous sights of the capital yet?

We have not seen any of them yet.

As soon as we arrived in Kyoto, we came directly here to worship.

Gion, Kiyomizu, Chion-in... and the autumn foliage of Arashiyama must be beginning to turn. If you like, I will arrange for someone to guide you.

Oh, thank you, Master! How grateful we are!

Master, dusk has fallen, and the air has grown cool. If you do not retire to your quarters to rest, it will harm your health.

Pray retire and rest yourself, Master.

We shall take our leave now.

Nay, pray lodge at my temple tonight. Come now to my living quarters; we shall brew some tea and converse at our leisure. (To his disciples) You come along as well. Yuien, pray guide them inside.

Come, please step this way.

How refreshing the cool breeze feels!

My cheeks are burning so hot, I don't know what to do. (Places her hands to her cheeks)

I am thoroughly worn out with revelry.

These past four or five days have been nothing but continuous drinking and endless singing, after all.

Lord Zenran poured so much wine into me that I grew sick and weary with drunkenness and had to slip away.

Lord Zenran drinks so recklessly, without the slightest measure—one simply cannot keep up with him. And yet, he doesn't even seem to be enjoying it.

The more he drinks, the paler his face becomes, doesn't it?

One moment he is frolicking with wild merriment, and the next he suddenly bursts into tears. What a strange man he is! I truly dislike people who weep when they drink.

Truly, he gives me the shivers at times. Just the other day, as I was pouring his wine, he grew strangely subdued; then, staring intently into my face, he embraced me, whispering, 'You are so dear, so dear to me.' Yet there wasn't a trace of lust in it.

Just when you think he is on the verge of madness, on the other hand he possesses such sharp, sober insight.

At first I wondered whether he might be slightly touched in the head. But quite to the contrary—his mind is so piercingly sharp it's terrifying. One dare not utter a careless word around him.

At any rate, he is hardly a man easy to grow fond of.

Take care, Asaka will be furious if she hears you say such things.

Speaking of Asaka, she has given her very soul over to him, hasn't she? How could such a gentle, mild woman as Asaka fall so completely for a man like that?

Love is a matter of fancy; there is no explaining it. As for you, you would much prefer that young, handsome monk who came to visit Lord Zenran the other day, wouldn't you?

You're teasing! (Playfully makes as if to strike her) That is Kaede's fancy, not mine!

It sounds like they are coming this way.

Well, well! So this is the sanctuary where you ladies had slipped away to hide?

Did you give us the slip and come here to share some secret pleasure between yourselves? Ha ha ha ha!

Pray have mercy on us for your whispered secrets!

(To Zenran) You are the one who is enjoying all the pleasure!

We merely thought our presence might be in your way, so we were considerate enough to leave you in peace.

Well, you have me beaten there!

Beaten and begging pardon, like a shaved-headed beggar monk!

'Beggar monk'—how cruel of you! Ha ha ha ha!

Forgive my clumsy tongue! (Strikes his own head with his folding fan)

As punishment for stealing away in silence, I shall make you drink all the more! Hey, bring more wine!

Right away, sir! (Turns to go)

Pray stop drinking wine. It is poison to your body. Have you not been drinking continuously since last night?

To think that you would preach moderation to a wretch like me! You are a virtuous wife indeed! Ha ha ha ha! Let us start drinking anew while gazing at the river scenery here. Your gloomy talk earlier cast a dark shadow over my spirits. (To the waitress) Bring it at once!

If only you would truly stop. It is not as if wine is something you love so much that you cannot do without it.

I drink and drink until my very flesh burns itself to ashes! I must kindle a fire with my body to stay alive. The moment that fire goes out, the loneliness becomes unbearable.

Yet there must be a limit to everything.

There is no limit to loneliness! It reaches down to the very bedrock of the soul.

Is it not to comfort that very loneliness that we remain by your side?

Yes. You women are indispensable to me. Without you, I could not go on living. And yet, even while sporting with you, the loneliness only grows all the more intense. Asaka, you always wear such a melancholy face. Today, be more cheerful for me!

But it is my natural disposition—I cannot help it.

Today everyone must make merry! We shall forget everything! Even if we are lonely, let us force ourselves to believe we are joyful! Let us decree that human life is good and harmoniously ordered! (Raising his voice) Behold, now the world is in harmony! Humankind is bound together in beautiful concord! The root of evil in the human heart has been utterly extirpated! Not a single person remains unhappy! Everyone is rejoicing! Everyone plays together like innocent children! Ah, look at the river—flowing, flowing, so gently, so peacefully... (Gazes intently at the river)

Come, drink, drink, everyone! (Offers a cup to a courtesan)

Pray have mercy on me, please!

I am in such agony with wine already.

No, you must drink, whatever happens!

Since the lord commands, disobedience is treason!

(Holding the cup in his hand) How rich and mellow is this golden liquid, welling up to the very brim! It is as though the very essence of worldly delight has been melted and poured forth. The feeling of our impoverished, fractured mortal life seems vanished without a trace. (Drinks it down) To whom shall I pass this cup? (Looks around) Kaede, Kaede! To little Kaede. (Offers the cup to Kaede)

Thank you kindly. (Tilts her head gently and receives the cup)

Kaede, sing something for us.

I don't want to. Are there not plenty of elder sisters here to sing?

No, it must be you.

Come, a song is requested! A song is commanded!

You give me no peace! (Sings in an innocent, childlike voice)

Enough! Enough! (As if unable to bear it) Oh, how tiny that little mouth of hers is!

(Still holding the shamisen) Goodness, to cut her off so abruptly right in the middle!

Look at her, I ask you! This tender little child... and rough men from elsewhere demand that she sing for them... (Tears well in his eyes) Have another cup. (Offers the cup to Kaede)

I have had quite enough.

(Imitating a woman's voice) Allow me to assist you, my lady! (Takes the cup before Kaede and drinks it)

You are truly not yourself today.

No, there is nothing wrong with me.

Let us call an end to the drinking for today. Your complexion looks awful. I have no heart for revelling at all.

What a gloomy thing to say! (Stares fixedly into Asaka's face; then suddenly thrusts his hands into her front hair)

(Startled) Oh! What are you doing? (Puts her hands to her hair)

...

Her side-locks are completely disheveled!

Looking at your thick, glossy black hair, I suddenly felt a surge of hatred toward it! (To the entertainer) Here, you! Imitate the crowing of a rooster!

Right at your service, sir! (Imitates a rooster's crow)

Now walk on your kneecaps!

Like this, my lord? (Shuffles forward on his knees)

Now strike your own head!

A simple task! (Strikes his head with his folding fan)

(Frenziedly) Harder! Harder!

Oh... (Closes his eyes)

You have sunk into such deep gloom.

(Gazing tenderly at Zenran) Lord Zenran. I know the truth. Your heart is suffering because of the messenger you dispatched to the temple, is it not?

What are you pondering so deeply?

You have grown remarkably quiet.

(Suddenly putting on a show of gaiety) I was just thinking of buying out your contract!

(Laughs) Thank you kindly for the thought! And what would you do with me if you bought me out?

What else? I would take you home and make you my wife! Come here! (Stands up, takes the courtesan's hand, and pulls her to her feet)

Pray stop teasing like this!

Come along, I say! (Pulls her forcefully)

(Stumbling as she is pulled) Don't be so rough! (Tries to pull free and return to her seat)

You sweet little thing! (Embraces Courtesan 2 tightly from behind)

Oh, let me go! Let me go! (Struggles in his grasp) When you hold me like that, it hurts so terribly, I cannot bear it!

(Laughs) What an unfeeling woman you are!

Lord Yuien has just arrived.

(Releases Courtesan 2, visibly shaken) Show him in here. (Returns to his seat)

Pardon me. (Struck by the scene before him, he hesitates slightly)

How good of you to come! I have been waiting for you. Come, pray step this way. No one here stands on ceremony. What an impressive spectacle you find us in! Ha ha ha ha!

Please, step this way, sir.

(Steps into the room and sits before Zenran) Pray forgive my rudeness the other day.

Forgive me for troubling you by sending a messenger today. I hope it was not an imposition?

No, not in the least. When I heard the messenger was from you, I came with gladness. Did you have some business with me?

No, nothing that could be called business. I was simply lonely, and longed to see you and talk with you.

I too have longed to see you.

(Brings a fresh wine cup and places it before Yuien) Pray accept a cup, sir.

(Fidgeting uncomfortably) I do not drink wine, so...

Even just one cup, sir?

No, do not press it upon him. (Seeing Yuien's uneasiness) We have matters to discuss, so pray leave us to ourselves in the adjoining room.

As you wish, sir. Come, everyone.

Forgive me for calling you to such a place as this. Besides, I am intoxicated with wine.

I do not mind at all. I was glad to come.

I was so terribly lonely. There is no one who understands my heart. Even while drinking wine like this, the very bottom of my belly remains ice-cold. I am in torment. Ever since I met you the other day, I have felt a close, warm affinity with you. I felt as though you would receive the confessions of my breast without reserve. Facing you, I find myself longing to have you hear so many things.

Ever since I parted from you the other day, I too could not stop thinking of you. I kept wishing I might see you again. When your messenger arrived today, you cannot imagine how happy I was!

It has been so very long since I last felt such fond affection toward any human being—only once, long ago. For years now, my heart has grown barren and wild. (A pause) I am so fond of you.

How glad I am to hear you say that! Why do people speak ill of someone like you? I cannot understand it. Just the other day at the temple, the monks were speaking harsh words against you, and it made me so angry. I told them: 'He is a good man at heart! He is not at all the sort of person you imagine!'

In what way do they speak ill of me?

They say you are dissolute, a child of destruction who rejects the salvation of the Pure Land gate, and a man of violent temper utterly unlike your father.

It is only natural; they speak the truth. I am likely a soul destined for perdition. My temper is indeed violent. I fully deserve their criticisms.

How could you say so, when you have such a tender, gentle nature?

No! (Interrupting) Before you, only the good qualities of my nature are called forth. But when I face others, a completely different, savage temper breaks out.

I believe it is because others treat you unfairly. You yourself are surely a good man; I believe that with all my heart.

(Tears welling in his eyes) There is no one else who would say such words to me. I cannot govern my own nature at will. In part, it is due to the circumstances of my childhood and the deep wounds my heart received. As you know, I have been under my father's disownment for many long years.

...

I caused my father so much trouble and distress. Surely he must hate me even now.

No, that is not true! You cannot imagine how deeply our Master worries over you in secret.

How does he spend his days?

Morning and evening, he is absorbed in the practice of the Nembutsu. A short while ago he caught a cold and was resting, but he is almost entirely recovered now. Yet he has grown considerably aged.

I suppose he must have. Living always in Inada, I rarely come up to Kyoto, and being forbidden to see him, I know nothing of his circumstances. Though I have been nothing but an unfilial son, I have never forgotten my father. Pray look after him with all your care.

I remain constantly by his side, attending to his every need.

Does my father love you?

More than I could ever deserve. Among his countless disciples, he loves me beyond all others.

Who could fail to love you? Even little Kaede told me she likes you. (Smiling)

(Blushing) You are teasing me!

What are your feelings toward women? For me, I feel such pity for them that I cannot help loving them. Above all, touching women who live in places like this makes me feel that I am truly contacting human beings. People in polite society disguise their surfaces with formalities and etiquette, never revealing their genuine hearts. They wear such things as armor to shield themselves. But I wish to touch people without such guarded defenses! I want to relate to them without hiding my own ugliness and weakness. In places like this, people share their shame openly together. You cannot imagine what a warm, authentic encounter it is! Besides, I cannot help being drawn to the mood women bestow—it is more poignant than autumn dew.

In the depths of my heart, I feel that I am seeking a woman. Yet I do not yet understand what a woman truly is, nor do I know how one ought to approach them.

(Looking at Yuien with fond affection) You are truly pure and innocent! I myself am utterly defiled, yet I revere a pure soul. The very light in their eyes is different. Yet likely you too will not be able to pass through this life without suffering on account of women. As for me, from the moment I came of age, awareness of women has never left my mind. But do not think I am trying to seduce you into vice! Ha ha ha ha!

(In all seriousness) Just the other day, I spoke of such matters with our Master as well.

And what did my father say?

He said that one may fall in love, but that one must pursue it with earnest, single-minded sincerity.

Humph.

I have longed to ask you: How was it that you came to be disowned by your father?

(His face clouding over) I fell into an illicit love. Nay—whether it was righteous or illicit, I cannot tell even now. I loved another man's wife.

Good heavens!

She had loved me even before she was married. Worldly duty and social obligation tore her from my hands, but they could not tear love from my heart. What followed was the inevitable consequence born of that irreconcilable contradiction. Her husband was a relative of mine, and that made the tragedy all the more entangled. For love's sake, I became an evil man who violated the moral way. (As if cursing) Does love violate the way, or does the moral way violate love? Even now, I do not know!

What became of the woman?

After she was divorced, she fell ill. I was not even permitted to visit her. In the end, she died. I could not even be present at her deathbed.

And what became of her husband?

He wept and raged. Even now he curses the names of both of us. Whenever I think of him, I can scarcely bear it. I loved him too—he was a gentle, good-natured man. I do not know upon whom the blame for this catastrophe ought to be laid. I was certainly wicked—yet is that all there is to say? Rather, I wish to lay the blame upon the terrible discord of human existence! If there is a Buddha who created this world, I would cast the guilt upon that Buddha!

Oh, Lord Zenran, that is a dreadful thing to say! I love you; I weep for you. Pray, I beg of you, never utter those final words again!

I understand nothing! I can believe in nothing! I question the very foundation upon which this universe was constructed! What a bizarre world this is! What a discordant life! From that time on, I lost all blessing from within my soul. My vision of things became warped. I became unable to believe in anything. Amid sorrow, indignation, and agony, women alone appear to my eyes like crimson flowers. Clinging to a woman's flesh, I learned a way to numb my suffering. The world calls me a debauchee; I accept the name without complaint.

I know not what to say. I grieve for your tragic destiny. You must find it truly unbearable. Yet I have heard that the Buddha forgives whatever sin a mortal has committed, forgiving them just as they are in their guilt. Our Master constantly teaches me that salvation was accomplished precisely for human beings who were created so frail that they cannot help but sin.

I bless your pure, easily believing heart. But for me, it is not something so easily believed. Perhaps my heart has grown cynical; perhaps I have seen far too much hypocrisy. It is a salvation crafted all too conveniently, is it not? A doctrine of faith that seems invented by the cunning minds of brazen, wicked sinners! I feel ashamed before you of my warped thinking. Yet although the Pure Land faith appears to be salvation for the evil person, in truth it is a teaching that can only be believed by those who are pure and good at heart! It is something beyond dispute. That I cannot believe is itself the punishment for my sins and debauchery. You and my father are pure, stainless souls; though you consider yourselves deep sinners, when a soul has been excessively defiled, it becomes incapable of receiving things straightforwardly. I have become horribly stained, you see—so much so that you could never even imagine it. For example... (Faltering in agony) Nay, I have done things I could never bring myself to speak of before you—cynical, base, unnatural deeds! I am in no condition to be forgiven without punishment. That would be far too brazen! Degraded though I am, I have not become so shameless as to beg for unearned salvation while committing such filthy sins. That, at least, is my conscience—my last shred of pride! I would rather have someone tell me: 'Perform such-and-such agonizing austerities, and you shall be saved!' Any bitter torment would be welcome. And if that cannot be, then let me receive my rightful punishment. That would be far truer to my heart!

Listening to your words, my heart aches within me. You carry a deep agony beyond anything people like myself could know. Yet a noble conscience surges through your words. It feels to me almost as if I were listening to a holy sermon.

No! I stand before you as a demon. I am burdened with the destiny of perdition. Pray have pity on this cursed soul that cannot believe!

I believe you are a child of the Buddha! Sitting opposite you, I cannot receive the slightest impression of a demon. Lord Zenran, pray listen to what I say—though I possess no wisdom worthy to offer you. I believe you are insulting your own soul. You have grown cynical and think of things only in defiance. I feel boundless compassion for the path that brought you to this state; yet I do not believe you are walking straightforwardly along the true path. Our Master always tells me: 'When you encounter bitter suffering, if you can find no sin within yourself to account for it, it feels irrational and bitter. At such times, you will feel an urge to turn that resentment against the Buddha. Endure it then! It is only natural to feel so, but endure in stillness. On no account curse! For out of that very endurance, true faith is born.' When we enter the grave, will not everything become clear? When we realize that within that seeming irrationality the Buddha's profound love was concealed all along, shall we not be ashamed of having resented Him? Is not the wisdom of the Buddha different from human wisdom?

Your words are simple, yet they strike straight to the mark. Childlike though you are, wisdom shines brightly within you. I feel as though a whip has lashed across my conscience. I feel an urgent need to reconsider everything.

I have heard that to slaughter the true yearning of one's own soul is the deepest sin of all.

Ah... how I long to recover an upright, sincere heart!

Do you not wish to see your father?

Even if I wish to, I cannot.

Shall I plead with our Master on your behalf?

I thank you, but pray leave it be. He would never agree to see me.

Yet in his heart, our Master longs to see you as well! Father and son both long to meet—that they cannot do so is a terrible untruth! What is the power that prevents it? I wish to shatter that power! I find it intolerable!

That power is the very same power that destroyed my love. It is a formidable power indeed. I curse it—yet I have no strength to destroy it.

It is the social will—the rigid, unbending will of countless people in the world. That power rules even within our temple. I collided with it only recently. Ah, why do people of the world know so little mercy? Why can they not see that their own hardened hearts are tormenting others? It makes me despair of humanity.

My meeting my father now would not be for his good—even if he were willing to permit it. The obligations of the floating world are cruel things. From my earliest childhood, I felt that cold power. The truth is, I am not the child of my father's legal wife.

(Astonished) That is the first I have ever heard of it!

My mother was the daughter of a warrior in Inada. When my father was in Echigo, his wife passed away. After wandering on pilgrimage through various provinces, my father came to Inada, lodged at the home of my mother's father, and lived there for fifteen years. During that time, my mother and father fell in love. That was how I was born. Before I could ever call my parents father and mother, I passed through dark, sorrowful days. I do not blame my father in the slightest; there lay the love and tragic destiny of human life.

What became of your mother?

When my father returned to Kyoto, she remained behind in Inada, but she has long since passed away.

How infinitely lonely this mortal world truly is!

To me, the world appears as a valley of tears.

I must take my leave for today.

Must you? I felt so happy today. I longed to talk with you much longer.

I too would stay forever, but I slipped away without our Master's knowledge.

I have caused you distress for my sake. Pray forgive me. You have given me so much to ponder today; I am truly grateful.

I have never had such a deeply fulfilling conversation in all my life. I shall surely come again!

Pray come as often as you can. I am always so lonely.

Then I must bid you farewell. (Rises, walks to the entrance, turns back, and speaks with intense emphasis) If your father should say he will see you, what will you do?

(Thinks for a moment, then decisively) I will gladly see him.

Then farewell!

(Watching him go) Farewell.

Lord Zenran.

(Looking at Asaka) Asaka, what do you think? Here are a father and son. The father is bathed in the blessings of all the heavens, revered by the people as a living saint. The son wallows in wine and flesh, despised by all as a debauchee. Separated by the duties of the floating world, they yearn for each other...

Goodness, so abruptly... (Concentrating her attention)

They hunger for one another. Yet if they meet, the beautiful peace surrounding the father will be wounded. People will knit their brows in suspicion and revulsion, and blame will rain down upon the father alone. At such a time, what ought the son to do? Is it better to meet, or better not to meet?

(Her voice trembling) It is better not to meet.

What if the father beckons, saying: 'Wayward child, return to me'?

(In anguish) It is better not to meet.

Oh! (Staggers, supporting himself against the pillar)

Lord Zenran! Lord Zenran! (Rushes to him and embraces him)

I do not know... It is more than I can bear... Help me!

Do not meet him—pray for him! Pray for your father's peace and happiness! I must be strong, if you—knowing how weak I am—seek help from me. Long ago, when you stood at the perilous crossroads that decided the fate of your whole life, did you not stand at this very same parting of the ways? When you had to protect the lifelong peace of your beloved and your gentle cousin, you were weak. You wounded both others and yourself, as you told me. How many times did you regret not weeping and bearing it in patient endurance then! It was only this afternoon that you first opened your heart and poured out your tragic story to me. You wept upon my knees; the tears are scarcely dry. At that time, you praised me for sacrificing myself for my poor parents. You taught me to endure suffering so that others might be happy.

You are repeating my own words back to me.

(Weeping) I am applying the whip to you! How bold my words must sound!

You have become the voice of my conscience.

My beloved Lord Zenran!

Yes! I must be strong! You sweet, brave soul... (Embraces Asaka fiercely. The stage revolves)

Then you have resolved not to see him after all?

Yes. (Nods)

I too was convinced that that would be the wiser course.

It would be most unfortunate if all manner of controversy were to stir up among the fellow practitioners.

There is no telling what scandalous rumors gossiping people of the world might spread. Moreover, we must take care not to cause a stumbling block for the younger disciples.

Indeed, among the younger disciples, there seem to be those whose conduct is gradually growing disordered. Some say they have seen them emerging from certain teahouses in Kiyamachi.

The world already slanders us, claiming that the True Pure Land teaching does not even shrink from licentious debauchery.

Adherents of other sects are jealous of our school's prosperity and are constantly searching for pretexts to attack us.

At any rate, this is a critical juncture where we must exercise the utmost vigilance. (A pause) In fact, there is a rumor that Lord Yuien occasionally goes to visit Lord Zenran.

Is that so? Yuien has said nothing of it to me.

His behavior has seemed somewhat suspicious of late. Only recently, he defended Lord Zenran with remarkable passion.

I shall speak to him about it myself.

We hear that Lord Zenran has lately taken up residence in a certain teahouse around Kiyamachi, spending every single day in continuous revelry.

That boy causes me endless sorrow. I am truly sorry to cause you gentlemen such constant anxiety.

No, Master! We only pray that your exalted virtue may never suffer any stain.

How could such a pure, holy soul as yourself ever have sired such a son?

If only he would at least keep away from Kyoto!

I only pray that he will not bring trouble and distress upon others... (Bows his head, remaining in dejected silence)

It is almost time for the evening service, so we shall take our leave. Pray forgive us for troubling your ears with such unpleasant matters today.

No, not at all.

Pray do not let it weigh too heavily upon your heart, Master. You must not overtax your health.

Thank you.

We shall see you again later.

Take good care of yourself, Master.

(Enters) It has grown dark, Master. Allow me to light the lamp. (Lights the silk-screened lantern)

Where has Yuien gone?

In the early afternoon, he said he had some errands to run and went out. He should be back very shortly, for he said he would return before the evening service.

I see.

How are you feeling tonight, Master?

Much better, thanks to everyone. Thank you for weeding the garden today—it must have been hard work.

If we neglect it even for a little while, the weeds spread so fast!

You must be tired. Go to bed early tonight.

Yes, Master. If you need anything, pray call me. (Exits)

(Straightening his posture upon his bedding) Namu Amida Butsu. Namu Amida Butsu. (Closes his eyes)

(Enters) I have returned, Master. (Places his hands to the floor in a bow)

Ah, you are back.

Forgive me for being so late.

Where did you go?

I went toward Kiyamachi.

I see.

Forgive me for taking so long. Have you had your evening meal?

I finished it a little while ago. I thought of waiting for your return, but I went ahead and ate.

And I was not here to serve you!

No, do not mind that. (A pause) You have not eaten yet, have you?

I have no appetite tonight.

Are you feeling unwell? You should eat at least a little. (Looks into Yuien's face)

No, it is only that I walked in such a hurry. I shall eat something later.

Very well. Take good care of yourself—you are not of robust constitution, after all.

Thank you, Master. And how is your health tonight?

I am almost entirely well. In truth, I feel guilty lying abed like this; if you had not restrained me, I would have risen from my sickbed already.

How happy that makes me! Yet pray be prudent for a little longer—your health is so precious. (A pause) Are you not chilly, Master? The nights have grown remarkably cold.

No, my head feels clear and refreshed.

Autumn has deepened so much. This morning, when I went out into the garden to cut flowers for the altar, the ground was covered all over with frost. Many of the blossoms have withered.

Before long, the leaves will begin to fall.

The time will soon come when the leaves of the great ginkgo tree behind the kitchen fall and fall, and the gardener grumbles that there is no end to sweeping them up.

How swiftly the four seasons revolve! As one grows old, the passage of time is felt with startling speed. It is written that this world is 'impermanent and swift' (mujō jinsoku). The feeling of impermanence can be understood even when one is young, but the sense of swiftness seems something one cannot truly know until old age. Sometimes I am seized by terror, thinking: 'Has another whole year fled already?' There is a poignant melancholy in human life that can only be known in old age.

I suppose human life is not at all what we young people imagine it to be.

There are so many errors created by youth. Gradually the eyes of the heart grow bright, and one comes to behold the true reality of human life. Yet in one's youth, there is nothing for it but to live with a youthful heart. One must brandish one's youth and confront destiny. One who has not passed through a pure, uncalculating youth can never possess a deep and noble old age.

To me, life feels like a wondrous land behind a curtain, filled with countless joys and sorrows.

It must surely seem so.

Listen, the autumn insects are chirping. (Listens intently)

Their chorus sounds almost like falling rain.

Whenever I hear that sound, it always reminds me of my home province. In the grass behind my house, when autumn came, the insects chirped unceasingly. My late mother would often carry me on her back out to the fields by the rear gate. She told me that the cricket's cry says, 'Mend your rags, mend your rags with a needle,' and that poor folk prepare their winter garments upon hearing that sound. Hearing that, I felt a strange chill, as though loneliness and winter were creeping close. Ever since then, whenever I hear the crickets, I think of my mother.

How many years has it been since Okane passed away?

This winter will be her seventh memorial anniversary.

What a grievous loss it was! It was rare to find so wonderful a mother.

How dearly she loved me! Whenever I trace back the memories of my childhood, I feel her love with overwhelming tenderness.

Have you had word from Lord Saemon?

Yes, he is living in good health. He wrote that since mother passed away, the loneliness has been unbearable. He feels the impermanence of life and longs intensely for the black robes of a monk. He said that on the occasion of mother's seventh memorial, he wishes to renounce the world and turn our home into a temple. For the main icon, he intends to enshrine that one-handed Buddha statue you gave him as a keepsake. And he asked me to request a Buddhist name for him from you, Master.

Has he finally resolved to enter the priesthood at last?

It has been his long-cherished desire, after all. He wrote that he wishes to name the temple Chinshakuji (Pillow-Stone Temple), after that snowy night when you slept at our gate using a stone for your pillow. And he asks that you bestow his ordination name upon him.

He, too, has suffered so very much.

I miss my father so dearly. It has been such a long time since I last saw him.

I have not laid eyes upon him since we parted on that snowy morning. I could never forget that night.

What a terrifying blizzard night it was! Even with my child's mind, I remember it with absolute clarity.

You were still a tender, innocent child. Even then, your mother was worried because you were somewhat frail in health.

I still remember vividly how you held me inside your robe at the gate when the moment of parting came.

Not knowing whether we would ever meet again in this life, I departed into the unknown.

I never dreamed in my wildest imagination that we would come to be bound by the bond of master and disciple.

Our karmic affinity was deep indeed.

(After a silence, speaking with deep emotion) Master... do you love me?

What a strange question to ask! How do you think I feel?

You love me! (Tears suddenly spilling from his eyes) It is far more than I deserve! I shall never forget your boundless benevolence all my life long. For your sake, I would do anything—I would not shrink even from death! (Sobs aloud)

(Placing a hand gently on Yuien's shoulder) What is the matter, Yuien? Why are you so deeply overcome with emotion?

Clinging to your love, I make this plea: Pray forgive Lord Zenran! Pray grant him an audience!

...

I cannot bear it! Lord Zenran is a good man at heart! He is a tragic, unfortunate soul! Who could ever bring themselves to hate him? It is everyone else who is to blame! It is this discordant world! Everyone ganged up against him and drove him to what he is today! He loves you, Master! Pray see him! Pray forgive him! I will run at once and bring him here. You cannot imagine how overjoyed he will be!

(With a calmness that suppresses great inner pain) Did you meet with Zenran?

Yes, I met with him. A messenger came from Lord Zenran today, and I went to see him without your knowledge. I told you a lie. When I said I had errands to run in Kiyamachi, it was an untruth. Lord Zenran is in Kiyamachi. I lied to you, Master!

What was Zenran doing?

(Summoning all his courage) When I arrived, he was drinking wine with courtesans and an entertainer.

To summon you to such a banquet! Pure, innocent youth that you are... A dissolute soul does not fear causing a little one to stumble.

Yet Lord Zenran apologized to me, saying he was sorry to expose me to such a place! And when the waitress pressed wine upon me, he told her: 'Do not press it upon him!' He also said that though he himself is defiled, he reveres a pure, innocent soul. Lord Zenran summoned me to the very scene of his everyday life just as it was—not to flaunt it, but because he refused to deceive me or play the hypocrite!

For what purpose did Zenran call you to him?

He was lonely! He longed to meet with me and talk. To think that he had to summon someone like myself for solace shows how utterly isolated he is! He looked so terribly lonely. Sitting among the disarray of wine cups, trays, and shamisens as his intoxication began to wane, Lord Zenran appeared so wretchedly unhappy. I had never before in my life seen a human being look so profoundly desolate.

The loneliness of human life is not something so shallow that it can ever be healed by wine and women. Many weak souls turn to wine and women when lonely; yet by doing so, their loneliness is only made all the more desolate. Their souls are ravaged. They sink into an unnatural, sinister, corrupt state of mind. It is understandable, yet it is not the true path. In it lies self-deception, evasion, and falsehood. A strong soul must embrace that loneliness and live through it! If that loneliness is human destiny, one must accept it. One must build one's life using that very loneliness as its substance. That is what a religious life truly is. The crossroads between sensual addiction and true faith is razor-thin: it is the difference between walking straight forward and resorting to deceit.

Lord Zenran does not live like that out of any pride or confidence in his way of life. That is why he is all the more wretched. In his present state of heart, he feels he has no other choice but to live as he does. Hearing his agonizing confession, I felt crushed beneath the weight of it. Not knowing what words of comfort to offer, I could only be struck to the heart with shared grief. I could not feel the slightest urge to blame him. I saw before me only a human being suffering in pitiable torment. And when I thought of who ought to bear the blame for wounding him so, I was overwhelmed only by the feeling of life's cruelty and irrationality. Walking home, I felt so dizzy my head spun. For nothing made sense to my mind! Amid all the confusion of my thoughts, I returned home clinging to only one truth that stood out with absolute clarity: Lord Zenran must be forgiven!

I too consider him a pitiable fellow. He must have countless excuses and justifications. Yet he ruined the destiny of others! One lovely woman died; one gentle young man's heart was broken for his entire life; and the peace among several families was destroyed forever. All of that was because of his own weakness! He is merely reaping the retribution for what he sowed.

Yet he alone is not to blame! That his whole life's destiny was ruined was also due to the cruel, unnatural will of society. For a man and woman who love each other to be united is the law of heaven. The sin of society was in rebelling against that law! To place all the blame upon him alone is far too cruel!

Society too is reaping its retribution. The discord of this world arises precisely from that—human beings wounding one another and exchanging retributions. From the far, distant past, the karma accumulated through wounding and being wounded has become inextricably tangled. We are born as single fragile lives upon the very knot of those tangled threads, burdened from birth with a discordant destiny. Moreover, the retribution for the sins and errors we commit passes down to our descendants and never disappears.

Our mortal existence is perilous and grim indeed.

Were there no Buddha, I would curse our very existence before all others, and more fiercely than anyone else! Yet the Buddha's grace is felt all the more deeply precisely because evil and suffering abound in this world. The harmony of the universe becomes an even more intricate and sublime mystery. Namu Amida Butsu untangles every knot of karma!

And yet Lord Zenran says he cannot believe in that Namu Amida Butsu!

Why does he say so?

When I heard his reason, how deeply moved I was! Lord Zenran condemns himself so severely that he feels entirely unworthy of it. He said that he has not grown so shameless as to beg for salvation just as he is while committing such filthy sins. 'At least that is my conscience, my pride,' he said, and tears were glistening in his eyes. He said that while the Nembutsu is fitting for a pure soul like his father, for a defiled wretch like himself, agonizing austerities would be far more appropriate. He said: 'I would rather suffer punishment! I am a child of destruction!' and wept aloud. I felt such boundless, aching pity for him!

If only he would become a little more humble and obedient! He has become rebellious toward others and toward himself alike. To say he wishes to receive punishment is mere self-indulgence. He underestimates the terror of the fires of hell! Even the physical agony of a single burning finger is far more than anyone could endure. (A pause) It seems he has not yet lost all that he must lose.

If Lord Zenran were to die right now, where would his soul go?

(His face tightening with agonizing effort to master his pain) It would tumble into hell...

Oh, Master! Pray see Lord Zenran! Pray save him! Do you not love that child of yours?

...

You are too severe! You are too cruel to him alone! If Lord Zenran were not your own son, you would have forgiven him long ago! Some time ago, Brother Ryōnen committed a sin far worse than his, yet you forgave him. And when Brother Yuishin fell into error this spring, though all the disciples urged that he be excommunicated, you alone shielded and protected him. Why are you severe only toward Lord Zenran? I cannot understand it! You constantly teach me that to love out of flesh-and-blood ties or marital bonds is not pure love—that we must love every person as our neighbor. Is he not also your neighbor? To forgive that neighbor—is that not a beautiful thing? Never before in my life have I opposed you, Master. But in this matter alone, I cannot help opposing you! It is the prayer of my entire life: Pray meet with him as your neighbor!

(Tears rising in his eyes) I understand your heart well. It makes me glad. (Ponders deeply) Does Zenran say he wishes to see me?

At first, he said that his meeting you now would not be for your good. But when we parted, I asked him: 'If your father says he will see you, what will you do?' and he replied: 'I will gladly see him.'

He must resent me bitterly.

No! He kept saying he was sorry, so sorry to you! And he inquired with deep concern about everything concerning you. It seems that his coming up to Kyoto this time was because his heart was drawn to you. He summoned me only because he longed to hear about your daily life.

In truth, that boy is never absent from my thoughts. Especially whenever I remember his mother, at times the sorrow becomes almost unbearable. I feel as though his misfortune is due to my own sin.

I heard of that from Lord Zenran today as well.

What did Zenran say?

He said that all was the sorrow and destiny of human life, and that he had no thought of blaming his father.

Humph. (Thinking deeply) Yet it was indeed my sin—my grave error, if such a thing may be forgiven. Asahime—that was his mother's name—I intended to treat her solely as a neighbor. Yet in the end, it was not to be. I was weak. I was overcome by the warm, devoted affection of the gentle, single-minded Asahime. During my long wanderings through the northern provinces, my heart had become as desolate as an empty wasteland. Why was I unable to preserve faithfully the memory of the departed Tamahi and live in solitude? When I think of that, my heart is torn with relentless self-reproach. I am in torment.

...

Yet Asahime was far too good, far too gentle a woman to blame. She gave an impression of utter fragility, though beneath it lay hidden a fierce passion. How bitterly she wept when I returned to Kyoto!

She has already passed away, has she not?

Yes. (A pause) How many beloved ones have been taken from me by death! The compassionate Master Hōnen, the faithful Tamahi, the devoted Okane...

And your filial eldest son, Lord Han'i...

(Closing his eyes) All of them must now be beautiful Buddhas, looking down upon us with pity and watching over us. All the errors and faults I committed while they lived—they must surely have forgiven them all.

With the heart that saw off the departed in sorrow, surely those who remain behind must live in harmony! Pray, I beseech you, forgive Lord Zenran as swiftly as possible!

I have already forgiven him! There is none who can judge that child save the Buddha alone.

Then pray grant him an audience!

...

Master... in truth, you long to see him, do you not?

I long to see him! (His voice rising with intense passion) Though he is dissolute, I recognize his pure nature and love him! There has not been a single day when I forgot that child! I want to look upon his face! I am famished for the sound of his voice!

Then meet with him, Master! Father and son both long to see each other—why should meeting be so difficult? Is it not the simplest thing in the world?

It is indeed a simple matter. In a harmonious Pure Land, it could be done instantly. But this world is an unfree realm where such simple things cannot be done! (His voice gaining tremendous force) The peace of many people hangs upon that one simple act! Countless forces gather and bar my way. I feel the crushing weight of that pressure to the depths of my being. I have no strength to fight it. (Writhes in anguish) I cannot see him!

No! See him, I beg of you! See him! You are paying far too much heed to worldly duty! Do not think of him as your son—think of him as your neighbor, as a total stranger...

(In bitter anguish) Oh, if only I could do that! I believe that is how I ought to think. I teach you that that is how one should think. Yet I cannot think so! You said earlier that I am gentle to others and severe to my own child. That is because I love only my own child and cannot truly love others! I love Zenran. My heart is ever ready to embrace Zenran and place the blame upon everyone else—just as a doting mother shields her misbehaving child and scolds the poor nursemaid! I know that weakness in my heart. And precisely because I know it, I cannot easily forgive Zenran! I cannot help thinking of the family of the woman who died for his sake, of her husband, and of his family—of all those people who curse Zenran! 'Because of your son...' their eyes accuse me. 'Because of my son...' I cannot help apologizing to them. Above all, because I do not love those people! Even if I do not see that child, I feel no self-reproach that I do not love him. For in my heart, I love him so deeply!

My heart aches so... I understand nothing anymore.

Moreover, among my disciples, the majority would be displeased if I met with Zenran. Only a little while ago, Chiō and Yōren came and urged me not to see him.

To think they could say such things, without even guessing your inner feelings!

They spoke out of concern for my welfare. Yet, forgive me, it did not sound pleasant to my ears.

Why must everyone think in such a heartless way?

There are few people as warm-hearted as you, Yuien.

Do you truly intend not to see him after all?

Yes. For it would shatter the peace of those around me.

Then what will become of Lord Zenran? How terribly disappointed he will be! And what will become of his wandering, lost soul?

That is the very matter that weighs most heavily upon my heart. If no one but myself could save Zenran's soul, and if I had the power to save him, I would close my eyes to all other feelings, meet him, and preach to him. Yet I possess no power to grasp and save that boy. To save or not to save rests entirely within the holy will of the Buddha! It is not something that can be governed by my human calculation. Seeing that he too is a child of the Buddha, he cannot be outside the Buddha's protective embrace. Surely the Buddha will never abandon him! All that is granted to me is prayer. Without meeting him, I will pray for him morning and evening: 'O Buddha, pray deliver that child!' Love must ultimately become the Nembutsu. The Nembutsu alone is true love that endures to the very end. Whenever I yearn for that child, I shall clasp my hands and recite Namu Amida Butsu. Pray for that unfortunate child yourself, Yuien.

I shall pray for him too. Ah, but what an infinitely sorrowful heart you bear!

This is the very limit of mortal human affection.

I can scarcely bear it. Human life is far too lonely!

There are sorrows in human life far deeper yet. Human beings must gradually lose even those things they find hardest to surrender. How many things have I myself lost up to this day! (As if speaking to himself) Ah, let that which perishes perish! Let that which crumbles crumble! And may only that which cannot be shattered by destiny remain! Clasping that alone to my breast, I wish to enter the grave. (Silently prays)

Ah... I am seized with terror!

Spring has come. The grass and the buds on the trees seem almost ablaze. Drinking in the sunlight, the earth has grown soft and swollen. The little birds are singing so joyously. How auspicious all these blossoms are! I feel as though the joy of youth is welling up through my entire body. (Rises and paces to and fro.) She ought to be here by now. (Peers through the thicket.) Could something have prevented her from coming? After all, it was only by stealth that I managed to slip out myself. (A pause.) Little by little, I am growing accustomed to telling lies. (Pauses and ponders; then suddenly brightens.) No, no—I cannot dwell on such things now! (Begins walking again.) My heart is racing so, I cannot possibly stand still. (Begins to sing.) 'The joy of spring's early dawning, oh, the dawning joy, is the tender bracken shoots sprouting in my heart; for your dear sake, upon the sleeves of the robes I gather, the snow is falling, on my garments, in my hands...'

(Appears from behind the thicket of shrubs.) Master Yuien! Here I am. Have you been waiting long?

Yes. Very long indeed.

(Draws close to Yuien.) Matters were a little difficult at the house, you see. But I hurried, almost running all the way! (Out of breath.)

I was beside myself with worry that you might not be able to come.

It was nearly impossible, but I slipped away anyway. How could I ever leave you waiting all alone, after we had made such a solemn promise? But I must return home early today, or there will be trouble.

Please, do not speak of leaving the moment you arrive! (Gazes into Kaede's face.) How I have longed to see you!

(Nestling against Yuien.) I longed to see you too, so very much... (Eyes welling with tears.)

Let us sit down here. (Spreads out some grass and sits.)

(Sits down beside Yuien.) What if someone sees us?

Hardly anyone ever passes by here. And even if they did, what would it matter? We are doing nothing wrong.

Still, I feel so embarrassed.

It feels as though it has been such a long time. How many days has it been since we parted behind the Matsunoya?

It has been half a month.

How endlessly long those two weeks felt! During all that time, I could think of nothing but you.

I too never forgot you for a single moment. How many times I yearned to take flight and come straight to you! But there was nothing I could do. I was so vexed and impatient, I could hardly bear it.

Even while chanting the sutras at the temple, my mind drifts away, thinking only of you. My sweetest hour is after the evening service has ended, when I can walk through the quiet, deserted garden with your memory filling my thoughts.

How blessed you are to have such quiet hours. For me, it is so painful. My days are clamorous from morning till night, without a solitary moment to sit still and reflect.

If only we could meet more often!

Even the last time, we could never have met had Sister not mediated on our behalf.

How is Lady Asaka doing?

Ever since Lord Zenran returned to his province, she has been spending her days in deep loneliness.

It is thanks to her that I am able to send you letters. The other night, I stayed up late writing a long letter to you. I placed it inside my bosom and went out. The moon outside was shining like clear water. Though I knew it was impossible to see you, my feet carried me of their own accord toward Kiyamachi, until before I knew it, I had reached the gates of the Matsunoya. A light was glowing against the second-story shoji screen, with silhouettes moving behind it. I thought you must surely be in that room. Unable to tear myself away, I loitered about there. Just then, Lady Asaka came out. I quickly slipped the letter into her hands and hurried back to the temple.

That night, in the dim shadow beneath the staircase, Sister whispered, 'I have something wonderful for you,' and gave me something. I held it up against the light of the hallway lantern. It was your letter! Oh, you cannot imagine how happy I was! I read it word by single word, treasuring every stroke, because it pained me so to finish reading it. What truly beautiful letters you write! In my case, even though my heart is brimming with things I want to say, my brush hesitates and I cannot write them down, which makes me feel so vexed.

Please, write to me as well!

But I only know the basic kana syllables, (blushes) and my hand is so clumsy and poor.

The simple syllables are more than enough. If you write fluently from your heart without trying to adorn your words, it will naturally become a wonderful letter. Sincerity of heart is all that matters.

If it is a matter of sincerity, I will yield to no one! I shall write to you from now on. (Thinks for a moment.) But no—how could I ever get it to you?

That is true. You cannot leave, and if a messenger came to the temple, it would arouse suspicion.

Is there no good way?

(Thinks.) I will come and collect it myself.

Could you really do that?

You write the letter and keep it ready. I will go to the stone steps beneath the overhanging balcony of the Matsunoya and whistle. Then you can come out from the back entrance leading down to the riverbank and hand it to me.

Then I could see your face, if only for a fleeting instant! But if we are discovered, it would be dreadful. (Lowers her voice.) The mistress of our house looks upon our friendship with great displeasure. She flies into a rage, saying that if you want to play, you should bring money like anyone else.

(Clenches his fists.) If only I had money...!

No, do not say that! You are the one person I could never associate with as a mere patron. No matter how wealthy you might become, to be bought by you with money would be worse than death to me! (Eyes welling with tears.)

You must suffer so much on my account...

I do not mind that at all. What matters far more to me—is everything going well for you at the temple?

(A dark shadow crosses his face.) It seems some of the fellow disciples are beginning to harbor suspicions.

Does the Master know?

No. (Looks uneasy.)

What excuse did you give when you came out today?

I said I was going to pay my respects at Kurodani.

And what did the Master say?

He told me that while I was there, I should also visit the Shinnyodō and take my time before coming home.

I see... (Ponders.)

It torments me to deceive the Master. Even this morning, when I visited Kurodani and knelt before the tomb of Master Hōnen, I apologized from the very bottom of my heart.

(Her expression suddenly darkening.) It is all my fault that someone as pure as you has been brought to utter lies.

No! That is not true.

Please, forgive me! (Presses her palms together in prayer.)

I am the one at fault. (Gently unclasps her hands and holds them firmly in his own.) Rather than forcing lies, I ought to confess everything just as it is to the Master. The fault lies in my own lack of courage.

But if you confess such a thing, would you not be severely rebuked?

We are doing nothing evil. Above all else, we must hold that conviction firm within ourselves. Kaede, listen to me: you must never give way to a spirit of self-abasement.

Yet you are a monk, are you not? And I am—what I am. Among all women, I am a courtesan, despised by the world.

That a monk must never love is no article of faith in True Pure Land Buddhism. Nor is it the Master's teaching to despise someone merely because she is a courtesan. Even for a courtesan, if her love is pure, that love is immaculate and holy. How many highborn maidens in this world indulge in vile, defiled attachments! I do not associate with you as a courtesan. And earlier, you said that you do not associate with me as a patron. How deeply grateful I felt when you said that! You truly possess an innocent, unblemished heart. I love you! (Grips her hands tightly.)

Yet I... I am... (Tears fall.) My body is defiled. (Covers her face with her sleeves and weeps.)

(Embracing Kaede.) Kaede! Kaede!

Please, cast me aside! I am not worthy of being loved by you. I am soiled and stained. But your body is pure—pure as a precious jewel. I am so sorry... I shall weep in silence and endure it all. Up to this day, I have endured everything. I had resigned myself to living out my days as a plaything for men. I had intended to accept even that degradation as my inescapable fate. For even if I refused to accept it, what else could I do? I have no power of my own. And everyone conspires to make me submit to that fate. Every patron, every single one of them, treated me as a mere toy. And they compelled me to think of myself that way. I grew accustomed to it. I decided that I was a sacrificial victim to be amused with, and the patrons were demons sent to torment me. You were the first person who ever treated me as a true maiden! You were the first person who ever taught me that even I am a human being! You even told me that even I am a child of the Buddha! (Weeps.) In my wildest dreams, I never imagined there could exist someone in this world who would treat me as you do. I felt you must be a messenger sent down from heaven. As I spent time with you, little by little, I began to recover the heart of a young maiden that I had lost. The innocent hopes of a girl were reawakened within me. Watered by your rain-like compassion, the tender buds that had been crushed within my breast began to swell, and at last burst forth into bloom. I began to long for you. I began to fall deeply in love with you. But then, as I gazed upon you—so pure, so upright, an innocent acolyte—and contrasted you with my own wretched self, so degraded and defiled, my heart began to ache terribly. (A pause.) That was why, when you told me you loved me, I wept so bitterly. I was overjoyed, yet at the same time I felt as though my heart would break. I thought: can someone as defiled as I truly love someone so pure? Even now, I still wonder. If by loving me you should fall into ruin, how could I ever atone for it? It would be far better to cast me away now! I am used to weeping. I shall endure it all. So please, please, cast me away!

Kaede, please do not torment me so! How could I ever cast you away? (Tears fall.) You do not know how profoundly, how passionately I love you. Do you think I love you with some frivolous, lighthearted passion? No! Merely thinking of this love causes tears to overflow my eyes. (Tears stream down his face.) Rather than dreaming of sweet and pleasant things, my thoughts turn to arduous ascetic practices, to performing a hundred barefoot pilgrimages. For me, love is a holy pilgrimage; it is daily devotion at the altar. (Gazes intently into Kaede's face, then passionately embraces her.) You torment yourself so deeply over the defilement of your body. I understand what is in your heart. It must be more than you can bear. Whenever I thought of it, my mind reeled with agony. I could not sleep at night. I wrestled and suffered in anguish. But I have conquered that torment now! That defilement is not your sin. It is your misfortune. It is monstrously cruel to blame you. It is the sin of others! It is because of the violence inflicted upon you by others that you suffer so bitterly now—so much so that you would renounce all the happiness of your life! What an appalling injustice! I curse this cruel reality. It is terrifying; it is utter unreason. It is entirely the work of devils! Oh, I will challenge the devils to their face! (Clenches his fists.)

They are all devils—cold-hearted demons! Night after night those devils arrive and subject me to humiliating indignities. And every one of them is so relentless, so persistent!

Upon that tender, exquisite body of yours... Oh! (Staggers.)

(Supporting Yuien.) Master Yuien! Master Yuien!

Damn them! I cannot sit idly by like this. (To Kaede.) I must protect you from the clutches of those devils! I must rescue you from that dreadful existence without a day's delay! Stay strong. Do not lose heart. Soon—very soon—I will deliver you!

Yet a body once defiled can never again—

Speak of that no more! Never let yourself feel hesitant or ashamed before me on that account. It is not your sin! Far from it—even if you had committed the foulest sins of your own free will in the past, I would forgive everything and love you still.

(Eyes brimming with tears.) Ah, can it be that you love me to such a wondrous degree?

(Embracing Kaede with convulsive fervor.) I will love you through all eternity! You are my very life.

(Burying her face against Yuien's chest.) Promise you will cherish me forever and ever, will you not?

Forever and ever. Forever and ever.

(Singing.) 'Butterbur shoots, grow to ten; as for me, I'll turn twenty-one!'

I found one! (Picks a butterbur shoot.)

There's one here too!

Put it in here, please! (Holds out her basket.) Look, we've gathered so many already!

Here is a horsetail sprout!

Really? (Looks.) It truly is! Let's all pick horsetails!

(Holding a horsetail sprout in her hand, singing.) 'One picked to begin...' (Continues searching.)

Found another! (Singing.) 'Two picked to join in...'

There's one over here too! It's awfully big!

I found one as well! Mine is even bigger!

Let's compare them! (Holds the two side by side to measure their height.)

Mine is a little bit longer!

Aww, what a shame!

Everyone, come and look! Over here is a Jizō statue wearing a tiny bib!

He looks just like a little baby! (Strokes the head of the Jizō statue.)

How many are there in a row?

(Counting.) There are six!

The fourth one doesn't have a head.

Ah, I know! These must be what they call the Six Jizō.

What is a Jizō?

He is a Buddha, silly!

Then let's offer him these flowers! (Takes wild chrysanthemums from her basket and places them before the statue.)

Let's all say a prayer! (Kneels and clasps her hands together.)

Shall we go over toward the pagoda in that woods?

Yes, let's go!

How innocent children are. (Lost in thought.)

Indeed, they are utterly without sin.

They seem to have not a single care in the world. (A pause.) How I wish I could return to those days just once more. I was so happy then—back when my father was still alive.

You have no father, do you? Whereas I have no mother.

Where is your father now?

He is all alone in our homeland, in the countryside of Hitachi Province.

Hitachi—that must be terribly far away, isn't it?

Yes, far to the east, across more than ten provinces. And where is your mother?

Deep in the mountains of Harima Province. She is sickly and frail. (Pondering.) Which is more unfortunate, I wonder—to have no father, or to have no mother?

Without a mother, one knows nothing at all about clothes and household care; it is very hard indeed.

Yet without a father, one cannot earn a living. If only my father had lived, I would never have fallen into such a wretched life as this.

Let us speak of this no more. To sit here comparing our misfortunes makes me feel so terribly forlorn.

When I was a child, our family's poverty never weighed upon my mind in the least; I used to frolic and play all day with my friends. But that happy time was so fleeting. After my father passed away when I was thirteen, mother and I suffered terrible hardships together. There were days when we had nothing to eat at all. And then mother fell ill. From that moment on, we were utterly at our wits' end. It was around that time... Every single day, I made a barefoot pilgrimage to the Jizō statue at the edge of the village. I prayed with all my soul that mother's illness might be cured. Just now, watching those children pray before the Jizō, the memory of those days rushed back, and tears came to my eyes. No matter how fervently I prayed, her sickness was never cured.

And having no other choice, you sold yourself?

At fourteen years old, I had no idea what it truly meant to sell oneself. A broker came and urged me, saying that if I went to Kyoto to enter service, I could earn a great deal of money. Mother refused to let me go. But I resolved to go to Kyoto anyway. After all, mother had no medicine, no food—nothing at all.

............

Carrying a little bundle on my back, I left the village led by the broker. Mother walked with me as far as the earthen bridge at the village border. When the time came to part, mother held me in her arms and wept, and wept...

How unbearable it must have been! What bitter agony!

After arriving in Kyoto, I was driven like a beast of burden every single day. They forced me to learn the shamisen and the songs. Whenever I failed to master them quickly, they beat me with the plectrum. In between lessons, from running errands to scrubbing the floors, everyone drove me relentlessly, as though it were a loss to let me rest for a single minute. There were times when I thought it would be better to simply die.

Were you driven to such utter despair?

Yes. If I broke a single dish, they would scold me viciously, endlessly, heaping abuse on me, calling me a dog or a green monkey. Even so, I held my tongue and swept the garden in silence. For if I dared to utter a single word of retort, they would make me suffer all the more terribly. Carrying my dustpan, I went out to the riverbank to empty the rubbish. Gazing down at the flowing waters of the river, I stood there frozen. At that moment, I thought of throwing myself in and ending it all.

How dreadful...

If Sister had not been there for me, I would surely have died back then.

Did Lady Asaka treat you kindly?

Yes. In shadow and in sunlight, she watched over and protected me. (A pause.) After younger girls arrived, my labor became a little lighter. But then began the shameful, repulsive things they forced upon me.

Please, say no more of that! Say no more! (Closes his eyes.)

Forgive me. There is no one in the world besides you to whom I can tell such things. Carried away by my feelings, I poured out my wretched story.

No, it is not that. It torments me only because I do not know what words can possibly comfort you. Please, you must endure. I can only say this to you. You are not the only one who sorrows. Even our Master, and Lord Zenran—though the circumstances differ—carry sorrows so profound as to be almost beyond bearing. Yet they endure, and they live. You must never choose death! No matter how bitter your anguish, you must never throw away your life. The Master taught that to take one's own life is a sin even deeper than taking the life of another. Toward the precious life bestowed upon us by the Buddha, we must maintain a spirit of the utmost reverence. In this burning house of a world, there are countless times when living is far more agonizing than dying. It is precisely when one refuses to die and endures that true faith is born—so our Master taught.

Can someone like me ever attain true faith?

How could you fail to attain it? A soul as pure and innocent as yours!

I know nothing of scholarship or sacred writings.

Such learning has nothing whatsoever to do with faith. All that is needed is a heart capable of feeling sorrow and love.

What ought I to do?

You prayed to the Jizō that your mother's illness might be cured, did you not? And yet she did not recover. Did you feel resentment toward Jizō at that time?

Yes, I resented him deeply.

At such a time, instead of resenting the Buddha, believe this: 'My present misfortune is the retribution for some wrong I must have done in the past; yet the Buddha loves me still, and somewhere, somehow, He will surely save me.' That is faith. And it is the absolute truth! Our compassionate Master would never tell a lie.

Even a woman like me—defiled and despised by everyone—will the Buddha truly save someone such as me?

He will surely save you! For the Buddha forgives and delivers even the most evil of human beings.

How happy that makes me! Ever since I came to know you, I have found myself longing for beautiful, good things, and believing in them little by little. Until now, all I ever saw or heard was flattery, deceit, and betrayal. I had resigned myself to believing that such a thing as love did not exist in this world. But lately, I feel that I can wait for, yearn for, and truly believe in the warmth of a love that embraces me. It feels as though a bright light has begun to shine in from somewhere.

It was the people surrounding you who were wicked. From now on, you must turn your thoughts toward bright and beautiful things.

How blessed you are! Every day you stay beside that venerable Master, listening to his pure teachings, and chanting the sutras before the Buddha. Compared to that, how hideous is the life I lead every day! It fills me with utter disgust.

To be beside the Master is indeed the greatest happiness of my heart. Yet within a temple not everything is pure, and among monks there are many vile people as well. Temples and monks are of no great consequence in themselves. What truly matters is a believing heart. Everything I hear from the Master, I shall teach to you. And I have no intention of leaving you in that place forever!

Oh, please find a way to bring that about as soon as possible! And guide me so that I may become a good woman.

Of course I will! How could I do anything less? (Draws himself up proudly.)

A strange joy is welling up inside me. (Gazes rapturously into Yuien's face.) Truly, please make sure that I can stay by your side forever and ever.

I promise you, I will without fail!

Oh, how glad I am! Then I shall treasure you with all my soul.

(Standing up.) I must return home now.

Stay just a little longer!

But there will be trouble if I am late.

Just a fleeting moment then—until the setting sun sinks behind that camphor tree. I won't let you leave yet! (Playfully blocks her way.)

(Sitting down again.) I don't want to go back either; I can hardly bear to part.

Kaede...

Yes?

Kaede... Kaede... Kaede...

My goodness! (Eyes wide with wonder.)

I just want to call your name over and over. No matter how many times I say it, I never grow tired of it.

(Eyes moist with tears.) I shall never part from you—never, until I go to my grave.

When I think of our love, all thought of dying vanishes. I want to live forever and ever.

Yet all men must die. Look at this vast graveyard around us.

Ever since I fell in love, strange thoughts of death have begun to haunt me. (As if speaking to himself.) Love, fate, and death—they all seem somehow bound together in a sense of the eternal. (Ponders.) Perhaps I am fated to die young.

Why do you say that?

Because my body has always been sickly and frail.

How could such a terrible thing be!

The sun is already touching the branches of the camphor tree. (Stands up.)

Ah, there is no helping it. (Stands up.)

Then I must go.

When shall we meet again?

I cannot say. I will let you know later in a letter.

As soon as you possibly can!

Yes. Will you really come to collect the letter?

I will come without fail. I will whistle, remember.

What will you do when you return to the temple now?

I will attend the evening service and worship before the Buddha.

Ah... while I must go and sing songs for patrons again. (Sighs, then resigns herself.) It cannot be helped. Farewell, then.

Farewell.

(Stands gazing vacantly; soon sinks down onto the tree stump.) Oh, how lonely it is... how lonely! (Rests his head in his hands and falls silent.)

Oh, maple! Be careful, or Asaka will complete her Blue Ribbons.

I'm watching closely. All she needs now is the chrysanthemum.

I shall certainly manage it!

Look, iris! All three have jumped right in!

You are playing skillfully indeed.

There are hardly any cards left.

(Drawing a card.) Here comes the chrysanthemum! (Knits her brow slightly.) Oh, bother! It's just a blank paulownia chaff.

Better luck next time!

(Drawing a card.) Look, chrysanthemum! Here it is!

The Blue Ribbons are ruined, then.

How vexing!

(Laughing.) What a pity!

And that is the end of the round.

Lady Sumino! They have been calling for you from the banquet room for some time now.

I will go right away. (To Murahagi.) That makes ten months now. Two more months to go. Shall I finish the game before I go?

They are growing terribly impatient.

If you don't go at once, there will be trouble later.

It can't be helped, then.

Please come immediately. (Exits.)

Well, I must be off. Until later, then! (Exits.)

Shall just the two of us play?

(Listlessly.) Let us put away the cards. (Gathering the cards.) I have done nothing but lose tonight. (Lost in thought.) My fortune seems ill-starred this year.

Even in a trivial game of cards, losing never leaves a pleasant taste in one's mouth.

Indeed.

Haven't you been feeling unwell lately?

Why do you ask?

You seem somehow low in spirits. You are always so gloomy.

It is simply my disposition.

You have grown thinner, haven't you?

Have I?

It is because you take everything so to heart. You should become carefree like me.

Yet everything in this world is so wretched.

That may be so. But in our line of work, if you let things trouble you, there will be no end to it.

Truly...

At first, I used to brood and grieve just like you. When I first arrived, I did nothing but weep. But weeping never cured anything, and brooding was only my own loss, so I resolved not to think about anything at all. I decided it was enough simply to get through each day as it came. For if you start worrying about what the future holds, you grow so forlorn you could never bear to go on living like this.

I wish I could feel as you do. And indeed, there is no other way. Yet I suppose I was born with a worrying nature. I cannot help brooding over things. (A pause.) Even so, I don't think that much about the future anymore either. It's just that getting through each single day feels so tasteless, so dreadfully lonely.

You truly are a gloomy soul. Talking with you drags me down into melancholy too, and makes me remember anew the misfortunes I had forgotten—or rather, that I have striven so hard to forget. (A pause.) Come, let us drop this! Let us stop such dreary talk. Isn't this genial springtime? Let us speak of something more cheerful!

It truly is a spring evening, isn't it?

The town has taken on a springtime air, growing lively and bright. When I was out by the storefront this evening, I heard the light clatter of wooden clogs outside the lattice, and the passersby were all talking about the cherry blossoms.

They will surely bloom before long.

Why don't all of us go out for a day of flower-viewing together?

That would be pleasant... (Sinks into gloom.)

By the way, hasn't Kaede returned yet?

No, not yet.

Where could she have gone?

She went out saying she was going to pay a brief visit to Kiyomizu Temple.

She is terribly late.

She will be back before long, I am sure. After all, she is still only a child.

I wouldn't be so sure of that. (A pause.) To tell the truth, the mistress was venting her anger at her to me earlier.

What did she say?

She said Kaede's conduct is insolent. Becoming infatuated with some young novice of a monk, neglecting the duties of the house! She said it is far too brazen to want to frolic with a working girl without bringing a copper of money. She complained that Kaede treats the other patrons with neglect. And what is more, she said Asaka is just as bad!

Did she speak of me as well?

Yes. She said it seems Asaka is acting as go-between and abetting them. She said it is scandalous for one whose duty it is to supervise her younger sister-courtesan.

Did she really say such things?

She was fuming with rage! If you aren't careful, when that mistress gets angry, she is so relentless and troublesome, you know.

That is certainly true... (Falls into deep thought.)

I know Kaede is young, and it is only natural for her to be like that. I am not without my own memories of youth. But I think Kaede is simply too headstrong and unreasonable. While being a girl bound to service, she tries to carry on a romance like an innocent maiden!

From the mistress's point of view, I suppose it causes difficulties.

After all, it brings in no business! And what is more, Kaede confides nothing in people like me, keeping everything cloaked in secrecy. If only she would say frankly, 'This is how matters stand, please help me,' I wouldn't be unwilling to arrange things and let them meet once or twice. But behaving as she does, she isn't endearing at all.

Since she is carrying on a secret romance without bringing in a flower-fee, her conscience pricks her, and so she cannot bring herself to confide in anyone.

Still, her pride is much too high! Today, when she was sneaking out, I asked her where she was going, and she played innocent, saying, 'Just over there.' That provoked me a bit, so I said, 'Oh? Just over to the temple, I suppose?' And I warned her about how furious the mistress is, and how she must attend properly to her business duties. And what do you think that girl had the insolence to answer? 'I am doing nothing wrong. My way of thinking is a little different from yours, Sister, so please just leave me alone!' That was her retort!

Did she say such a thing? When she returns, I will speak to her strictly, so please don't take offense, and forgive her, I beg of you. At heart, she is gentle and obedient by nature.

She simply looks down upon the rest of us too much!

The poor child has been brooding so deeply of late, her nerves are frayed. If she spoke like that, it was only because she was pushed to her wit's end.

You are far too soft on Kaede. Even the mistress was saying the other day that Kaede's haughty spirit comes entirely from Asaka's training.

That is not true at all.

In any case, it would be wise for you to watch yourself a little. Everyone is talking about it. If you treat her too tenderly, she will only grow more presumptuous.

I shall be careful. Please, forgive her... (Eyes moist with tears.)

It is not a matter of my forgiving or not forgiving her. I only mentioned it in passing. I just thought that behaving like that won't do Kaede any good in the end.

Thank you... (Bites her lip.)

There is no need to take it so heavily. Well, I shall drop by again. (Stands up.)

Oh, won't you stay a while longer?

Another time. I got so caught up in the card game that I haven't even prepared myself for the evening yet.

Very well. Please come again.

(Gazing into the mirror.) I truly do seem to have grown thinner. (Touches her cheek with her hand.) And why wouldn't I? (Takes a comb from the drawer of the mirror stand and smooths her hair.) Dressing myself up like this—for what purpose? To deck out my features merely to flatter detestable men who come to toy with me—my enemies! No, nowadays I don't even think of such things; it is merely out of habit that I face the mirror each evening. Even that was tolerable as long as I still had confidence in my own charms... (A pause.) How my hair is falling out! (Pulls the loose strands from the comb.) Using this frail body as capital, straining it beyond all limits, working it to the bone until I can work no more—and once I can work no longer— (Shudders.) No, I must not think of it! I will not think of it!

(Hurrying to Kaede's side and peering into her face.) Kaede! What happened? Kaede!

It is too cruel... too cruel! (Her body trembles; her hairpin slips out and falls to the floor.)

What in the world has happened so suddenly? (Picks up the hairpin and replaces it in her hair.) Come, sit down. (Sits Kaede down beside the brazier, and sits beside her.)

(Stops weeping.) The mistress scolded me terribly. The moment I returned, I was summoned before her. It was my fault—I was late. But I simply could not tear myself away. Yet the things she said were too cruel!

I feared as much.

She flew at me as though to seize me, screaming at the top of her lungs, using the vilest words imaginable! I do not care about myself. In the mistress's eyes, I am nothing more than a worm anyway. Whatever she says, there is no helping it, and I am used to being scolded. But she spoke of him—she reviled him with words so dreadful that no bystander could bear to hear them!

Of Master Yuien as well?

She said anyone who amuses himself without money is no better than a thief. She compared him to a stray cat sneaking into the kitchen to steal fish!

What an outrageous thing to say!

I was so furious that I cried, 'No! He is pure and gentle as a dove!' Whereupon she screamed that I was talking back, and struck me with her pipe!

She struck you?!

Yes, right here, with all her might! (Rubs her knee.) And she declared that she will never let me set foot outside again!

What brutality! That woman has always been violent-tempered, but striking you is too much. She should have remonstrated with you gently.

I am certain Murahagi told tales on me! Tonight again she stood beside the mistress, piling on spiteful sarcasms and barbed jibes.

Murahagi too? All of them ganging up to torment a young girl like you... (A pause.) Murahagi was here talking with me just moments ago. She was angry, saying your pride was too high and that you looked down on the senior sisters. And she was vexed that you confided nothing in her.

How hateful! Confide in someone like her? How could I ever bring myself to cheapen the sacred love I guard within my heart by babbling about it to a frivolous, empty-headed creature like that? Sister, you are truly the only one in the world to whom I can open my heart! And perhaps it is true that my pride is high. Didn't you once tell me, Sister, that no matter what wretched station one falls into, you despise a woman who does not keep some kernel of pride in her heart?

(Eyes moistening.) You remembered that so well... Ah, but for a courtesan, cited by the world as the very emblem of baseness, to harbor such thoughts may well be foolishness! Kaede, I have nothing to say to you except that you are so very dear to me. We have no choice but to endure everything. We have no choice but to resign ourselves—ah, what a desolate, heartbreaking feeling resignation is!

I understand, Sister... (Tears in her eyes.) If you had not been here, what would have become of me by now? In my heart, I clasp my hands and pray for you with every breath.

(Goes to the balustrade and gazes outside.) Sister, come and look! The moon is just rising over the Higashiyama hills.

(Approaching Kaede and leaning against the railing.) The crest of the hills is glowing with soft light.

How lovely the lamps on the opposite bank look!

Look at the figures flickering across the bridge.

Whenever I look upon such a scene, a strange nostalgia for human warmth steals over me.

Where did you meet today?

In the graveyard behind Kurodani.

Were you happy? (Smiles.)

Of course... but sorrow seemed to outweigh our joy. And we wept.

Why was that?

When the two of us are together, a sadness rises up of its own accord. And he is so easily moved to tears at the slightest thing.

He has such a gentle heart. What do the two of you talk about when you meet? (Smiles.)

(Joyfully.) Oh, we talk of all kinds of things! About how much we yearned to meet, about our letters, about our past lives, and about what the future holds—

(Earnestly.) And what does he say you shall do in the future?

He says that we shall become husband and wife! (Speaking quickly.) I tell him I am not worthy. I say that because I am in this degraded station, he must cast me aside. But Master Yuien insists that we must be united no matter what. He says that in the True Pure Land Sect, even a monk is permitted to take a wife.

Does he say so even knowing full well the defilement of your body?

Yes! He told me that when he thought of it, it tormented him so that he could not sleep at night; but that he has conquered that torment now. He says the defilement of my body is not my sin, but my misfortune. And not only that—he told me that even if I had defiled my own body of my own free will, he would forgive everything and love me still!

(Tears in her eyes.) What an earnest, passionate soul he has!

Master Yuien is so very earnest. Even when we are together, our talk often turns into something solemn, like a sermon. And I love listening to him speak like that! When he puts on a serious brow and speaks of beauty, and ultimate reality—things I don't quite understand—that is when I love him most of all.

(Smiling.) And have you two still never... done anything?

(Earnestly.) No, never! There has been nothing of the sort—not in the least!

Truly, such a man is rare in this world. You must cherish him dearly.

I shall treasure him with all my life. I feel it is more than I deserve.

I too like him from the bottom of my heart. If you were carrying on with some crude, vulgar man, I wouldn't dream of delivering your letters!

You are truly so good to us. Master Yuien is deeply fond of you as well. Just the other day, he was asking after you with great concern, and over and over he spoke of how grateful he is to you.

The other night was such a lucky chance. When I stepped out to the gate, there he was, wandering back and forth in the moonlight. My heart went out to him so tenderly that tears came to my eyes. I hurried over and asked, 'Do you have some errand for Kaede?' Whereupon he said, 'Please, I beg you to deliver this,' thrust the letter into my hands, and hurried off in a fluster!

He told me that if he hadn't met you that night, he probably would have wandered outside all night long.

Knowing him, he might well have done so! (Smiles.) Still, what a charming duty has fallen to my lot.

Oh, how can you say such a thing! (Smiles.)

(Her expression suddenly clouding.) But how do you plan to meet from now on?

(Looking anxious.) Ah, that is the worry that torments me day and night! After the fury the mistress displayed tonight, she will never permit me to take a single step outside again. Nor can Master Yuien come to our house.

Unless you can manage to provide the money, it will hardly be possible.

No matter how much money Master Yuien might have, he is the one man in the world by whom I could never bear to be bought! He does not look upon me as a patron; today again we promised that he would treat me as an ordinary maiden. He urged me over and over never to think of myself as base or degraded.

Then there is no other way than for you to leave this profession entirely, is there?

Master Yuien says that before long he will make that happen.

Hmm... (Ponders.) Does he have some definite prospect in mind?

(Uneasily.) How could he, I wonder?

Even with all his sincere devotion, the ways of the world do not yield so easily.

He knows nothing at all of the ways of the world. I have far more practical sense than he does!

I imagine so.

He says he will open his heart and consult with his Master. That seems to be his sole reliance.

With the great Shinran himself?

Yes. He says the Master does not forbid monks to love. He says the Master will give his aid in everything, and will never despise me merely because I am a courtesan.

Lord Zenran used to tell me that Shinran is a man who understands all human frailty, yet...

Sister, what will become of me?

Who can say? I have heard that not all the disciples are good men.

My heart grows so faint with dread...

Even so, how do you intend to meet until that day comes?

As there is no other choice, Master Yuien has agreed to come around by way of the riverbank and give a signal at the stone steps. Then I am to slip out the back entrance and exchange letters with him. We must be swift, for if we are discovered there will be dreadful consequences; yet even so, I shall be able to see his face, if only for an instant.

Do you yearn to see him so desperately, even at such peril?

If only for a single glimpse! (A pause.) Master Yuien spends so many sleepless nights... To think that anyone could care for someone like me to such an extent!

(Deeply moved.) And so you have resolved to give him your body and soul?

Yes. (Nods with tears in her eyes.)

(Shifting her mood.) It will turn out well. I pray for it with all my heart. When I spoke earlier, I only meant that it cannot happen all at once. Many difficulties are sure to arise; but so long as your two hearts remain steadfast, I believe your love will surely be fulfilled. Patience and endurance must come first.

No matter how bitter the pain, I shall endure it.

You must be strong of heart! The trouble with someone like me is that my spirit weakens so easily. You must be brave in defending your own happiness! To those who are meek and compliant, the world does as it pleases, robbing them without a qualm of the very things they hold dearer than life itself; and then people force them to endure it under the name of obligation. Lord Zenran always used to say that if one lacks the resolve to see an obligation through to the very end, half-hearted compliance only brings trouble upon others later on. Even in Lord Zenran's case, if in the beginning he had joined hearts with the woman he loved and fought fiercely for their happiness, he would not have made everyone suffer and wept in misery later. And if once a person chooses to sacrifice their own happiness, they must consider themselves already dead, and live out their entire life in stern, lonely endurance. But a tender-hearted soul cannot do that. At first, they are entangled by duty, and later they cannot bear the loneliness. (A pause.) He is truly a tragic man. (A pause.) You must never yield!

I will give everything I have! Today Master Yuien also said that we will battle against every difficulty and surely win the victory. Sister, please lend us your strength too!

I will do anything in my power for you.

I shall never forget your kindness, Sister! (Tears welling.)

I think of you as my own flesh-and-blood sister.

And I feel as though you were my true sister.

When you first arrived at this house, you came to my room and bowed low with your hands to the floor, saying, 'Please look after me from now on.' From that very moment, a strange tenderness toward you awoke in my heart. The mistress had asked me beforehand: 'A new girl is coming, so make her your younger sister and train her.' But I had paid little attention to it then. Yet the moment I laid eyes on you, an indescribable pity stirred within me. You looked so bashful and hesitant, and your speech was still full of your country dialect.

I didn't know the first thing about anything, and I was so forlorn. That day you said you were feeling unwell, leaning against the brazier, sitting motionless without doing a thing. I thought to myself what a gentle person you seemed. As we spent more time together, I came to recognize that quiet, sorrowful refinement in you that set you apart from all the other senior sisters. And I came to love you completely.

You suffered terrible hardships at the beginning, didn't you? Things almost beyond what such a small body could endure.

You shielded and protected me through it all.

How terrified I was that time you nearly died!

'Endure it, child. I understand everything. I too have borne the very same agony. Do it all for your mother back home'—you wept and held me back.

Yet you listened to reason so well! And from then on, we began to share the stories of our lives, talking and weeping together.

As though counting numbers, enumerating each of our misfortunes...

'Why must we be so unhappy?' we asked, pondering it together; but the reason was beyond our knowing, and in the end we concluded there was nothing to be done but resign ourselves.

From that time forth, the two of us grew closer than ever.

Confiding everything to each other.

(Gazing into Asaka's face.) You will never abandon me, will you?

Nor you me.

Sister, give me your hand.

Here. (Reaches out her hand.)

(Clasps Asaka's hand tightly against her breast.) How icy your hands are, Sister!

I am sensitive to the cold by nature.

Do you have news from Lord Zenran?

Yes, from time to time.

How is he living back in his province?

He remains secluded at his temple. He writes that he worships the Buddha out of routine custom, but in truth he can believe in nothing, and his heart only grows more desolate with each passing day.

There could be no lonelier man than he. The more one knew him, the more one could feel the profound misfortune lurking in the depths of his soul.

In truth, Lord Zenran came to Kyoto because he yearned with all his heart to see his father. But when he considered his father's position, the feelings of the disciples and relatives, and all the circumstances, he finally resolved to leave without meeting him.

Then with what a desolate heart he must have returned home!

It was beyond pity—it was utterly heart-wrenching. (A pause.) Yet because of Master Yuien, he came to understand his father's true heart, and that brought him great peace of mind. 'To be parted and pray for each other's happiness—that is the ordinary destiny of all human beings as neighbors in this world. No matter how deeply two mortals love each other, they cannot always remain together. We have no choice but to be parted and exchange our prayers across the distance. It is the same between you and me. Soon we must part, and who knows when we shall ever meet again. Even when we are parted, pray for me; and I too shall pray for your happiness'—so he told me.

Lord Zenran was remarkably fond of Master Yuien, wasn't he?

He was always praising him, saying there was no one so warm-hearted and pure in all the world.

Master Yuien said as well that he could never understand why everyone speaks so ill of Lord Zenran.

His nature was thrown out of harmony because his good heart had been wounded. Once the soul's harmony is broken, it is no easy matter to restore it. For that, one must have love always close at hand, warming and moistening that devastated spirit. And yet, instead of love, his surroundings were filled only with curses and contempt.

And he was not the sort of man who could remain indifferent to the censure of others—though he always pretended to be strong. Once he looked me straight in the face and asked, 'Do you think of me as a good man, or an evil man?' When I answered, 'I know no one whose heart is as good as yours,' he asked, 'Do you truly mean that?' I replied, 'I would never flatter you,' and tears welled up in his eyes. 'Kaede,' he said, 'at heart I truly am a good man. I am not the monster everyone reviles. Please, do not think ill of me.' And that was the very night he had forced me to drink sake and teased me in the banquet room.

The more you knew him, the deeper he revealed himself to be. I never encountered a patron with such depth of spirit.

What kind of bond was there between you and Lord Zenran, Sister? Even now, I have never quite understood.

(With a sorrowful smile.) It was quite different from the love between you and Master Yuien. After all, both of us were advanced in years.

Yet you loved each other, didn't you?

Yes, we loved each other.

Then why did you part like that?

That is the melancholy reality of life. Both he and I possess hearts so weary and desolate that we could part in that way. You cannot understand that now.

Is that so? Yet you must remember him always.

Of course I remember him.

When will he visit Kyoto again?

I have no idea.

You must be so lonely.

(Eyes moistening.) I have grown accustomed to that loneliness long ago.

Listening to you makes my heart ache with foreboding...

(Enters.) Lady Kaede! You have a call for a banquet. Please come right away, just as you are!

Oh, no! Not tonight! I cannot bear to go out tonight. I am in no mood to appear in the banquet rooms!

Still, you must endure and go. After what happened just moments ago, if you refuse to appear, the mistress will make it terrible for you.

It cannot be helped, then. (Sits before the mirror stand, tidies her appearance briefly, and rises immediately.) I shall go for just a little while.

(Returning to the brazier.) Return as soon as you can.

(Leveling the ashes with the metal chopsticks.) Ah, it seems the charcoal has died out unnoticed. (Sighs.) My heart is just like these cold ashes. The passions of youth have vanished. I could never love as Kaede does now. Even the tears to weep over my own misfortune have run dry. The spirit to protest ebbs away day by day. I have no hope left. Yet neither can I bring myself to die. I merely go on, bound by habit, continuing what I have done without a shred of desire. What is left to me? What? Nothing but a heart enduring pain in silence, old age, death, and beyond that... ah, I understand nothing. It is too lonely—far too lonely! (Buries her face and weeps. A pause. She raises her face and gazes vacantly into the empty air around her.) Surely someone ought to come and save me. Surely someone... truly...

(In unison) Shakyamuni Buddha has accomplished a task of supreme difficulty and supreme rarity: here within this Saha world, in the Corrupt World of the Five Defilements—the defilement of the kalpa, the defilement of false views, the defilement of blind passions, the defilement of sentient beings, and the defilement of lifespan—he has attained Unexcelled Perfect Enlightenment (Anuttara-samyak-sambodhi), and for the sake of all living beings expounds this Dharma that is the most difficult in all the world to believe! Shariputra! Know that I, in this corrupt world of five defilements, have accomplished this difficult task, attained Unexcelled Perfect Enlightenment, and expounded for all the world this Dharma so difficult of belief: this indeed is supreme wonder! When the Buddha finished expounding this Sutra, Shariputra and all the monks, together with the devas, humans, and asuras of all worlds, hearing what the Buddha had taught, rejoiced with faithful devotion, bowed in reverence, and departed. (Gong) The Sutra of the Buddha of Immeasurable Life expounded by Shakyamuni Buddha. (Gong)

Namu Amida Butsu.

Namu Amida Butsu. Namu Amida Butsu. Namu Amida Butsu.

(Enters, pale, eyes bloodshot) The service is already over, it seems... (He sighs. The crisp sound of wooden clappers is heard) Ah— (Listens intently) From the kitchen quarters, the clappers announce the evening meal. (He collapses before the altar) Ah, peace has departed from my heart. Serenity—where has that moist, calm heart gone? When I used to kneel here before this sutra desk in the empty hall, offering up my prayer each evening, how peaceful my heart was! What has become of my soul, which once drifted so softly fragrant, like the incense smoke rising from that burner? Cradling my small chest as if in an embrace, I guarded that quietude... (Pause) My utter unworthiness these days... my heart is forever unsettled and famished. How many sleepless nights have followed one after another? How many days have I passed weeping? If I were only suffering by myself, that would still be bearable. But I have tormented another, defiled the temple, and caused gossip among my fellow monks... (Buries his face in his hands) When did I become such a wretched, pitiful creature? Ah, who could have foreseen that love was such a terrifying thing! I came back so late today again... I was seen by the apprentice boys of Yanagimachi. The landlady of the tea-house mocked me. (He shudders) She said that someone with a greedy look on his face, trying to sneak through the back door in fear of people's eyes, is just like a stray dog. Oh, dressed in these ink-black robes, blushing red, I stood trembling at that back entrance. Uttering not a word even when insulted... How miserable I must have looked, like a dog indeed—a begging dog! (He weeps)

Brother Yuien.

Yes. (Stops in his tracks)

We have something to speak with you about. Please wait.

We have been waiting for your return.

Pray, sit down.

(Sits down timidly) Is there some matter? You seem so formal...

In truth, there is something we wish to ask you. (Looks at Yuien's face) What has happened to you? Your complexion is terribly poor.

Your eyes are bloodshot.

…………

Where did you go today?

Towards Kiyamachi... I apologize for being so late.

Where in Kiyamachi?

…………

Neglecting your devotional duties has already happened time and again.

I have no excuse... (Brimming with tears)

It will not do unless you take heed.

Even granting that you are still young... …………

No, it is precisely in youth that the spirit of diligent practice must burn brightest! When we were young, everyone trained with all their might. We rose before the sun was up, and practiced quiet meditation to discipline our minds before breakfast. At night we studied the scriptures late, sometimes not even noticing the dawn moon rising. Such negligence as missing the service was utterly unthinkable!

In any case, the attitude of today's young disciples is entirely different from ours. To see such a trend of indolence arise is truly deplorable. For one who wears the black robes to dally with women—ah, at last I have spoken it!

No, what must be spoken must be spoken. Up to today we kept our silence, but to let it go on indefinitely would do you no good, Brother Yuien. Above all, it stains the Dharma. (Raising his voice) Brother Yuien, you went to the Matsunoya in Kiyamachi today, did you not?

And to that courtesan called Kaede.

…………

Everything is known. Making excuses about worshipping at the Rokkakudō or visiting the graves at Kurodani, yet constantly going out—it was all for secret trysts with that woman, was it not?

Forgive me... forgive me.

I had long thought your behavior suspicious. Nay, among the disciples there is not one who has not noticed it by now. Whenever three gather together, they are talking about you.

The younger disciples are envious, you see. It may not matter for old men like us, but the other day as I passed through the waiting room, I overheard them saying that Brother Yuien is our Master's (With peculiar emphasis) prized disciple, favored by beautiful women, and a fortunate fellow indeed.

(Mockingly) Behind your back, they call you the 'Black-Robed Captain'!

(Biting his lip) Are you ridiculing me?

No, I am merely telling you what people say. (Stiffening) If our Master remains silent, you ought to be all the more prudent! To take advantage of his kindness and behave as you please is no way of the Dharma.

If it were a well-bred lady of good family, it might be one thing, but keeping company with a base courtesan! For a Buddhist monk! It is disgraceful.

She may be a courtesan, but her heart is pure!

(Exchanges glances with Monk 3) You are being deceived! As the proverb goes, 'There is no sincerity in a courtesan.' How can anyone rely on the words of a pleasure girl?

She is not such a woman at all! Rather, I am terrified that I might wound her.

Oh? You are still young, after all. Deceiving someone like you is the easiest thing in the world: resting a hand upon your knee and shedding a single tear—that is all it takes!

I believe in her.

Even if she truly feels some interest in you, it is mere curiosity—amused by a young monk! Because you have handsome looks.

It is no such shallow thing! We are so earnest it is painful. Every time we meet, we weep. Whenever the two of us are together, tears flow unbidden.

'Earnest'? That astounds me! To call buying prostitutes 'earnest'! For a Buddhist monk! Truly, today's young disciples never cease to amaze me.

I do not treat her as a courtesan! I associate with her as a maiden, and she does not think of herself as being bought by me.

If she is a maiden, she must be a most fickle one. As the Chinese book says: 'In the morning bidding farewell to a guest from Wu, at dusk welcoming a guest from Yue.'

Ah, to say that to me! (Agitated) I know well enough that I have no worth. And that she is in such a calling. But our sincerity is true. Can you understand the agony of loving someone while knowing full well that they belong to the world? That whatever happens, it cannot be helped?

And that your heart belongs to that woman, no doubt? (With a sneer on his lips) Millions of naive youths have spoken exactly the same way since ancient times. And when they finally came to regret it, all hope of salvation was gone. That is why a wise man keeps far from danger from the very start. A person of wisdom savors female beauty only so far as his own safety is not compromised. You, on the other hand, throw yourself bodily into the peril, without any armor! Shall I call it folly, or shall I call it childishness? At all events, playing with women is more dangerous than playing with fire!

Yet is not everything serious also perilous? Our Master himself said that truth becomes one's own only when one confronts experience in the flesh, and that faith itself can even be called a kind of venture!

Have shame, Brother Yuien! (His voice hardening) Do you dare equate playing with women and religious faith as one and the same?!

To cover your own wrongdoing using our Master's name is insolence! The truth is, our Master overestimates you. You are presuming upon his favor.

Drowning yourself in an unknown courtesan, neglecting your service to the Buddha, and on top of that making clever, petty excuses! Properly speaking, you ought to bow in terror and beg forgiveness. When we were young, anyone who committed such deeds was expelled immediately as a defilement to the temple!

How can anyone take the words of a vile courtesan seriously? There is a limit even to gullibility! Anyone can see through it. As the vulgar saying goes: 'Behind your back, she sticks out her tongue'—though such words are not particularly refined.

(Furious) You underestimate the heart of a young woman far too much! And to say a monk is noble while a courtesan is base—is that not mere conceptual prejudice? Even in the heart of a monk there is defilement. Even in the heart of a courtesan there is sanctity! She is capable of pure love! Without knowing what kind of person she is, to suspect her of evil from the beginning is wrong! When human beings devote themselves wholeheartedly to something, they become earnest. Listening to your words just now, I felt that you hold no serious thoughts toward women at all. Is it not precisely such attitudes that have degraded women?

Do you intend to preach to us? (Cold laugh)

(Beside himself) You do not love me! From the very start I felt your chill air, and my heart turned hard. You have no love for me! (Tears welling up) Just now, when you spoke of 'sticking out her tongue,' a vulgar sneer crossed your lips. When that woman wept, joined her hands in prayer, and begged my pardon saying that she was defiled, a holy aura appeared upon her! Lately she has grown deeply devoted to the Buddha. At times I am struck by the flash of pure religious feeling in her, and I even feel profound gratitude!

You had better worship that woman instead of the Buddha!

(Rises) Then I beg your pardon! (Attempts to leave)

(Shouts) Do as you please!

(Restraining him) You must not be so rough. Brother Yuien, pray wait a moment.

(Sits down) I feel so utterly miserable... (Tears welling up)

Do you not consider what you are doing to be wrong?

I do not believe it is as wicked as you all say.

Then why do you tell falsehoods when you go out?

…………

So there is indeed something not right. Since you are young, I do not say it is unnatural, nor do I speak harshly. But you ought to reflect a little. It concerns the discipline and morals of the other young disciples.

Telling lies when I left was exceedingly wrong of me. That I did not confide in our Master was my fault. My conscience was always reproaching me.

Confiding in our Master, you say?

Yes, without concealing anything.

How could you even contemplate such a thing?

There is a limit even to audacity!

Who knows how wrathful he would be?

Yet our Master never said that one must not fall in love!

He surely never told you to fall in love with a courtesan!

Yet he told us that we must never despise someone merely because she is a courtesan.

Even if our school does not forbid marriage, that refers to a man and woman in an open, public union. It does not permit illicit cohabitation. Above all, whether secret dallying with a courtesan is good or evil is something you ought to be well capable of understanding.

Furtive play was indeed utterly wrong. I apologize. I will never do it again. Please forgive me. Lately I have been thinking constantly. Yet I lose all sense of what relationship between man and woman is truly genuine. At times it even seems to me that a natural union like illicit love might in truth be the most sincere.

You truly astound me.

I intend to become husband and wife with that woman.

With that courtesan?!

Yes. We have already pledged our marriage vows.

How can you utter such things with a straight face?

Have you considered this thoroughly?

Yes. I thought about it through sleepless nights.

And the result of your thought is arriving at this resolve? At this wanton, licentious resolve? I am appalled! I feel it is utterly disgraceful. Are you not possessed by something?

Breaking the precepts! Horrifying! (Pause) This is undoubtedly the temptation of the Devil!

Brother Yuien, I shall not be persistent. I know your single-minded disposition well. Up until today, I believed I loved you. I will say it just once more: please think it over. Quietly, calming your mind. You are agitated now. Love blinds even the eyes of the wise. I cannot help but care for the temple and the Dharma. And I must consider the hundreds of young disciples—that flock of easily straying sheep! I too know the passions of youth. I do not consider it unnatural that you yearn for a woman. If that is the case, fortunately our school does not forbid marriage, so it would be no hardship to ask for a maiden from a respectable family. I have someone in mind myself. But an unknown courtesan—that is altogether unreasonable. Nowadays, the voices of criticism in the world against our school are loud, claiming our faith condones evil deeds. At such a time, if a young monk in close attendance upon our Master were to marry a courtesan, it would give our enemies an excuse to attack the Dharma! The diligence of the young disciples would wither. You are usually so discerning; you cannot fail to grasp this truth. If in your youth you refuse to alter this resolution, I cannot permit you to remain in this temple! Either you leave, or I leave—one of the two! Yet surely, you will spare me such painful anguish and reconsider. I believe I have loved you. Brother Yuien, it is only because you are excited now, is it not? You will give her up, will you not? Resign all thought of that woman completely... Why, you are weeping!

As though you were a woman!

No, he has resolved to give her up. That is why it is so painful for him.

I cannot give her up! I have already thought it through to the end! It is not that I do not think of the temple, the Dharma, or my fellow monks. But I cannot bring myself to abandon that woman! She has done no wrong! I cannot find a single reason why I must cast her aside. I cannot bring myself to believe that love is evil. If it were evil, why would tears and gratitude accompany that feeling? My heart when I think of her is filled with truth. Love shines and flows through my breast. A scalding joy bathes my entire being! I feel that now, at last, I am truly alive! Ah, if only you knew how truly we love each other! I want to live treasuring the longing that wells up from my own heart. As long as that longing is not evil, I will never abandon it! Our Master told us: Religion means holding fast to the desires that human beings may rightfully cherish as humans, without giving them up until one goes to the grave, no matter what worldly obstacles stand in the way—and seeking the fulfillment of that longing in the land beyond the grave! That small, pitiable girl fell to the bottom of the abyss, struggling in the mire, resigned to death. There a lifeline descended. She was told she would be saved if she took hold of it. Yet at first she was so resigned to misery that she even refused it. What pains I took to awaken in her the desire to be saved! At last she grasped the rope. She was pulled up to the very edge of the bright shore. Happiness and hope appeared before her eyes. At that very moment, if the rope were suddenly severed and she was kicked back into the abyss—ah, I could not bear to do such a cruel thing!

So whatever becomes of the temple, whatever becomes of the Dharma, you do not care?

Even if the young disciples stumble?

Ah, then everything becomes confusion! (Writhes in agony)

You must choose between the two: love, or the Dharma!

Discord! It is utterly irrational! To say the Dharma cannot stand unless love is discarded is unreasonable! Unless both can be achieved—

What selfish presumption!

Do you intend to serve both a prostitute and the Buddha at once? I am dumbfounded. Have some shame!

(Gently) Do not be so harsh. Calm yourself, Brother Yuien. You must be in great agony. But love is like an intoxicating drink. However delicious it may be, if it is wine, a monk must not drink it. Can you not give up the drink?

(Angry) I am ashamed of thinking in such a manner!

It is better not to get so agitated. As an elder, I was merely pointing out to you, a youth, how things stand. No matter how much we argue with you now, your heart is overwhelmed by the intoxication of love, so it is useless. I will ask you simply one last time: can you not give up that courtesan for the sake of the Dharma?

I cannot, no matter what!

Then there is no help for it. (To Monks 2 and 3) Talking any further is useless; let us go. (Rises)

(Grasps Monk 1's robe) What do you intend to do?

I cannot remain in the same temple with you. Whether I leave, or you leave—I will have our Master decide.

That is going too far! Pray, wait!

I have said all I have to say. (Brushes off his robe) There is no other way.

(Gazes after them, stunned. He sighs) What am I to do? I never dreamed love was so excruciating. This almost unending worry, and my soul feels burdened as though bearing a heavy load... (Pause) Yet the profound joy welling up from its depths! A trembling, tearful—a joy so intense I could die! (Feverishly) Kaede... Kaede... Kaede! (Looks around as if startled by his own voice. Grows pensive) Yet can I be mistaken? Am I caught in the grip of an unseen power? (Looks towards the altar) That flickering candle flame seems to whisper something to my heart... That compassionate countenance... How pitiful and wretched I must appear! I understand nothing anymore. Whether what I am doing is good or evil, what will become of me in the future... When I reflect, how harshly I used to judge others! Ignorant of how weak and miserable I myself am. Just now I spoke so boldly, yet somehow I feel as if I am a creature beyond all forgiveness. O compassionate Buddha, (Joins his hands in prayer) please, forgive me!

I too had an inkling of it. But I watched in silence. In matters like this, it is not good for bystanders to make a great commotion.

We thought the same, and so overlooked it until today, restraining the agitation among the young disciples. We believed that in time Brother Yuien would reflect upon his conduct. But his behavior seems only to grow worse day by day.

Day by day his wilfulness increases. On one pretext or another he goes out, and returning late, he tends to neglect his daily duties.

He is constantly sighing, appearing in the anteroom with eyes swollen from weeping, or brooding in the kitchen quarters, so that the other disciples could no longer bear the sight of it and complained loudly.

Someone saw Brother Yuien loitering behind the tea-houses around Kiyamachi and came to inform me. They said he looked disheveled, flustered, and pitiable. Since he was secretly dallying without money, even the tea-house is furious. I can no longer restrain the younger disciples.

His partner is said to be a young courtesan of only seventeen named Kaede at a tea-house called Matsunoya. It seems to have started last autumn. When Lord Zenran visited the capital, Brother Yuien went secretly to see him repeatedly; it appears they met at that time. It is a truly distressing matter.

Today as well, he returned late after the evening service was finished. When we went to the Main Hall, he was prostrated before the altar, weeping. His face was pale, his eyes sharp and upturned—he looked completely beside himself. Thinking it would do Brother Yuien no good to leave him alone any longer, we gave him our earnest counsel.

I spoke of the good of the temple and the good of the Dharma, admonishing him with all my heart. But it seems to have fallen upon deaf ears.

He appears not to consider what he is doing to be very wrong at all. He said as much himself.

What an appalling thing! He declared that he had pledged marriage vows with that courtesan! And right before our eyes, he began praising that woman!

I gently explained right and wrong, and pleaded with him to give up the courtesan for the sake of the Dharma. Yet he insisted to the very end that he had no intention of abandoning her.

In the end, he even claimed that unless both the Dharma and love can be realized, it is a lie! He lost all control of himself, as though he were raving mad!

Far from accepting our counsel, he was on the verge of turning around and preaching to us!

In any case, we were astounded. We were dumbfounded, even disgusted. Even the ever-patient Brother Yōren finally lost his temper and declared that he could not remain in the same temple with Brother Yuien.

I cannot bear the disgrace of living in the same temple as Brother Yuien. Either I depart, or Brother Yuien departs—one of the two. I have come here desiring that our Master render judgment.

The venerable Brother Yōren, who has lived in this temple for so long, cannot possibly leave!

If you were to depart now, who would discipline the young disciples? Moreover, you whose meritorious deeds run so deep—

No. As things stand, even if I remain in the temple, I no longer possess the authority to discipline the young disciples.

No, we cannot have you leave! (To Shinran) Master, Brother Yōren speaks thus. We pray you make a strict judgment on this matter!

I am the one at fault. (Pause) This is the only thing I clearly understand and can speak of without fear. If you blame Yuien, you must blame me first. When Yuien confessed to me that he had feelings of love for a woman, I did not forbid him. I told him: 'Even when one embraces a woman, the mind does not necessarily incline toward evil.' I told him that from the beginning. It was from that moment that this seed was sown. If you trace the cause further back, is it not I who gave birth to Zenran? (In sorrow) Zenran's childish, reckless invitation, unafraid of another's fate—I cannot regard it as someone else's affair. I must share the burden of Yuien's sin. How then could I possibly sit in judgment?

That may sound reasonable, but you think of it far too sensitively. You merely did not forbid him to love; you did not tell him to love, much less encourage him to dally secretly with a courtesan! Brother Yuien interpreted it arbitrarily to suit his own convenience. Concerning Lord Zenran, I have nothing to say. You had nothing to do with it; Brother Yuien went to him without your knowledge.

I cannot see it so simply.

If you speak that way, everything becomes your own blame!

In most matters, when one examines closely, the fault lies with oneself. A saint once said: 'If there be even a single sinner in the three worlds, the blame is entirely mine.' A saint is one whose sense of guilt is uncommonly deeper than that of ordinary men. (Pause) I am at fault. Zenran is particularly bad. He has an unfortunate nature, born as though made to wound others.

Then it sounds as if Brother Yuien is without guilt!

Yuien is also wrong. If one speaks from the side of wrongdoing, everyone is wrong! If one speaks from the side of human frailty, no one is to blame! It is all the doing of the Devil. Every sin has its excuse, for every sin is caused by the demon called karma. From that perspective, it is not our responsibility. Yet one must not make excuses. Tormenting oneself and others is always evil. Yuien is indeed wrong: he disturbs the peace around him, and destroys the serenity of his own soul.

Indeed, he is gravely in the wrong! Even causing anguish to our Master, from whom he has received such overwhelming kindness, is no small offense! Our anxiety, the fury of the young disciples, the violation of the temple's peace and dignity—in my view, all of this stems from Brother Yuien alone. Therefore, through Brother Yuien's attitude alone, the peace and order of the temple can be restored. Furthermore, I believe he has the duty to do so. Yet Brother Yuien refused to heed our reasoned counsel and declared that he has no intention of amending his conduct! Is that not utterly unreasonable? What is more, he showed a critical tone toward us, his elders! Even when Lord Zenran came to the capital, knowing that errors must not occur, how many times did I admonish him? He looks down upon me! I have overseen many disciples until now, but I have never encountered one like him.

Indeed, his attitude was arrogant, scorning his superiors. With that, Brother Yōren's wrath is by no means unreasonable.

I felt that hiding behind our Master's sleeves to cover his own sins was the most intolerable of all.

He is usually of a gentle disposition, though.

That gentleness is the tricky part! Petty devils often take on pleasant forms. Forgive my boldness, Master, but do you not place too much trust in Brother Yuien? (Hesitantly) There are disciples who say you show him too much partiality.

Yet everyone makes mistakes.

(Dissatisfied) But that mistake must be repented! Brother Yuien not only feels no remorse for his error, but piles error upon error—doing so consciously, and declaring it openly! I truly cannot endure it. For a long time I have labored for the sake of this temple. Fortunately, our school has attained its present prosperity. But the power of the Dharma has begun to wane. It is deplorable. I have lost the authority to quiet the disciples. To live in the same temple as Brother Yuien I consider a disgrace. If Brother Yuien remains in the temple, I beg leave to depart! (Tearful)

(Looks at Monk 1 with compassion) You must not leave the temple. I know full well how much you have labored for its sake. You have shared hardships with me until this day. Continue to assist me henceforth as well.

I wish to stay in the temple always.

Then Brother Yuien must leave the temple!

Is that not a matter of course?

Nor can I cast Yuien out of the temple.

What you are saying, in short, is that because Yuien is an evil person, he should be expelled from the temple. But I think that if he is an evil person, all the more reason we cannot cast him out! If Yuien is bad even while surrounded by our loving protection, what would happen if we turned him loose among the cold-hearted people of the world? Would he not simply grow worse and worse? Would he not end up harming the people of the world? That he is bad is known from the very beginning. Where is there a human being who is not bad? We are all evil! Whatever else might be said, being bad cannot be a reason for expulsion—at least not in this temple! In this temple, there should be none but evil persons. Was it not in this that this temple differed from all other temples? The compassion of the Buddha showers down like rain upon us as sinners! You all know this well. Yet knowing it too well, you forget it. Listen, Yōren. Do you remember when you and I first founded this temple?

I remember it well.

I cannot forget those days. Our hearts trembled with the joy of founders. Thanks to you, the alms of priests and laity gathered. It was you who divined and chose this land.

How joyful the day of the ridgepole-raising was!

At that time, you and I knelt before the Buddha and established five guiding principles. What was the first?

It was: 'We are evil human beings.'

Just so. And the second?

It was: 'We do not judge others.'

Decide this matter, too, by those principles! Good and evil are not things that can be easily determined. That is something known only through the Buddha's wisdom. I, Shinran, know nothing at all of either good or evil. If young Yuien is evil, the Buddha will judge him.

Yet it is going too far!

You must forgive without judging, just as you yourself are forgiven by the Buddha. No matter what evil is done against you, you must forgive it. Even if an ogre came and tortured your child to death before your very eyes, you would have to forgive that ogre! If you curse that ogre, it becomes your sin. The wages of sin is death. If one commits even the slightest sin, one's soul must fall into hell. The evil of doing wrong to another lies in the fact that, in most cases, it brings the other person into judgment as well. Did you not curse Yuien? Was your own soul free from sin? Forgive him! Forgive him!

In that situation, could we have remained without the slightest anger? At that arrogance, that wilfulness, and that insult—

It is natural enough. But it was not good. In any situation, to grow angry is wrong. You certainly ought to have forgiven him without giving rise to the slightest anger. Yet who can do that? I pray you, do not surrender to that wrath! If you neglect a fire, it soon spreads. Close your eyes! Close your eyes! Do not judge his good or evil. And say only: 'Namu Amida Butsu.'

That is exceedingly painful.

Painful though it is, it is the most sacred thing. And it is the wisest thing. In all things, it is Namu Amida Butsu. (Shows them his joined hands in prayer)

It was indeed I who was mistaken. Whatever Brother Yuien may be, for my part, forgiving was the true path, no matter how painful. Unawares, the horns of my own pride had sprouted.

Forgive him, pray.

Yes. (Tears welling up)

I will say no more.

I too forgive him.

Hearing that brings relief to my heart. Let everyone forgive one another and live in harmony. For human beings are all unfortunate beings; everyone is bound for the grave. Live so that you will never look back and regret: 'I should have forgiven him then.' The Devil is the wicked one! Humans are all children of the Buddha. Whenever the Devil finds an opening, he breathes the spirit of cursing into the children of the Buddha. To overcome it, there is nothing but forgiveness! Once you begin judging, there is no end. Pray! Peace of heart is supreme.

Indeed it is so. The heart feels so desolate after reviling another. Rather than when I was angry, my feelings now having forgiven seem like a true victory.

Just so! Just so! If there be any image of the Pure Land within the human heart, it must surely be the aspect of the heart in the moment of forgiveness.

And how do you intend to deal with Brother Yuien?

I shall speak to Yuien thoroughly. But listen, now that your hearts have softened, I will tell you: there seems to be a narrowness in your way of thinking as well. For instance, did you give any thought to the fate of that courtesan called Kaede? One cannot simply cast her aside, calling her a base woman. In this entire affair, the most unfortunate human being is probably that woman herself. Once, when Master Hōnen stayed at the post-station of Muro, a courtesan came seeking the Way. How tenderly Master Hōnen expounded the Dharma to her then! That courtesan departed shedding tears of joy. There is also a story that when one of Shakyamuni Buddha's disciples was loved by a courtesan, the Buddha ordained her as a nun. Karmic affinity with the Buddha is a mysterious thing. We must consider that courtesan's sake as well. We must pray for the fate of Yuien and that courtesan. Let us all pray together and reflect. Do you understand? Here I speak only on your side; as for Yuien, I will counsel him well in his turn. Now, would you withdraw and summon Yuien to me?

We obey. We shall summon him at once.

We must pray earnestly and reflect.

Then we take our leave. We deeply regret causing you anguish.

No, I am grateful that you understood so well.

(He sighs) My precious disciples! Each bears his own suffering; whoever I look upon, my heart is moved to pity. (Pause) The path I once walked, Yuien now treads, with uncertain steps, uttering deep sighs... (Pause) I would let him dream on for a long time, yet in any case he cannot help but awaken. (Steps out onto the veranda. Looks at the cherry blossoms in heavy, full bloom) The flowers have come into full bloom... One gust of wind, and they will scatter. (Sighs)

(Approaches him, gently pats his back) Yuien, do not weep. I understand most of it. I will not scold you harshly. Since you yourself are suffering so.

I kept it hidden. Repeatedly I told falsehoods to you, my Master! What shall I do? Deal with me as you see fit. I am prepared for any punishment. I deserve it.

I have no desire to judge you. For your sake, and for the sake of your sins, I offer prayers of intercession to the Buddha.

Chastise me! Scourge me!

The Buddha will forgive you.

Forgive me... forgive me...

Deepen that feeling of 'forgive me' into a heart of profound gratitude.

Brother Yōren... in the Main Hall just now, Brother Yōren (Tears falling anew) grasped my hand and asked me to forgive him! I could not bear it! For I had harbored hatred against him...

He is an honest, good old man.

I felt a terrible dread, for it is because of me that everyone's peace is disturbed! Yet what a wretched creature I am: I could not put Brother Yōren's heart at ease! Brother Yōren looked at me with tears in his eyes, waiting for me to guarantee one vital thing. But I, though seeking reconciliation and forgiveness, merely squeezed his hand tightly in return, leaving that essential thing unsaid... I cannot do it!

That too is something we must all pray and decide together. For now, calm your heart. (Pause. Gazes deeply at Yuien) You have grown so haggard.

Sleepless nights continued without end. My heart constantly felt as though bearing a heavy burden.

The heavy burden of love. Yet that burden too must be entrusted to the Buddha. Whether that love is fulfilled or unfulfilled is not something determined by personal will.

Could it be that this love will not be fulfilled? With all this sincerity of mine? No, no, I cannot even conceive of such a thing! How many times did we firmly vow that even if heaven and earth should crumble, the love between us two would never change!

'Never change throughout thousands of generations'—with a mortal body that knows not even tomorrow! (With fervent passion) Human beings cannot make vows! (Pointing to the garden) Who can guarantee that these cherry blossoms in full bloom will not be scattered by the midnight storm? Moreover, without the Buddha's permission, not a single petal falls to the ground! Every event in the three worlds, arising and perishing, is known to the Buddha. In love, it is exactly the same. Among the myriad loves of men and women, only the permitted love is fulfilled. All other people must drink the bitter cup of unrequited love.

(Shuddering) That is far too terrifying! What then will become of my love?

It may be fulfilled, or it may not. What lies ahead is unknown to mortal men.

I will make it come true, even at the cost of my life!

Countless lovers since ancient times have made that very vow. And they raised their feeble arms against destiny. And they were struck down to the earth. Many unfortunate souls lie sleeping in their graves in just that way.

Help me!

I will pray for you—pray that your love may find completion. Beyond this, it exceeds the human realm. You too must only pray: 'If there be karmic affinity, unite the two of us.' Never make a vow! That is a terrifying error that encroaches upon the Buddha's domain. Yet an error too cannot escape retribution.

And if there is no karmic affinity?

You cannot be united.

Such a thing is unthinkable! I cannot endure it! It feels utterly irrational!

If in the Buddha's wisdom it is deemed good, it is rational. The created being must find its destiny within the plan of the Creator. That heart is what we call entrusting; it is what we call taking refuge (kie). Does not the potter take clay and make of it one vessel noble and another base?

Are human desire and destiny utterly unrelated, like strangers to each other? Or in most cases, is it rather a cruel relation like that between a tyrant and his victim? Does destiny, which decrees 'thus it is ordained,' trample underfoot the longing that cries 'thus I would have it be'? No matter how pure, how human that wish may be?

That is where prayer exists! What connects inner desire and destiny is prayer. Prayer awakens destiny; one might even say it creates destiny. Did not Dharmākara Bodhisattva's (Hōzō Biku) prayer that transcended the world transform human destiny, which had been condemned to hell, into a destiny destined for the Pure Land? If the prayer 'O Buddha, if it be Thy will, unite the two of us' enters the Buddha's ears and moves His heart, it becomes your destiny! That is what is meant by a prayer being heard. Therein lies the wondrous efficacy of prayer.

(Leaps up) I will pray! I will pray with all my heart and soul! Through prayer, I will awaken destiny!

Within prayer there is a profound practical spirit. Indeed, the deepest form of action is prayer! To pray for love is nothing less than to love in truth. Now, above all else, you must make your prayer pure. In other words, you must purify your love so that it conforms to the Buddha's will.

Ah, I want to love with a holy love that accords with the Buddha's will! Master, what kind of love is a holy love?

A holy love is a love permitted to a child of the Buddha. It is a love that sends curses upon nothing whatsoever! Beginning with the Buddha, toward the beloved, toward all people other than the beloved, and toward oneself—a love that sends no curse anywhere! That alone is a holy love.

(Solemnly) In not sending a curse upon the Buddha, there are two aspects: one is not to vow; the other is not to curse the Buddha even if your love is not fulfilled, but to resign yourself with the thought: 'This was the Buddha's will.'

In short, entrusting everything to the Buddha.

Just so. Not sending a curse upon people other than your beloved means that, because of loving your beloved, you must never harm others. Within love lies this selfishness. This is what defiles love most of all. Just now, did not your love harm Yōren?

My heart was so filled with her that I had no room to think of others. And unless it is so, I feel as though I am not truly in love.

Therein lies the mistake of passion. Love has an infinite quality. Love is not a quantitative thing that is divided into a hundred parts if one loves a hundred people! To say that because one loves A, one cannot love B, is not true love! A heart that cannot love another because of loving a woman is already defiled by love. To wish to break off all relations with the world and shut oneself away with a woman on a desert island is the wish of defiled love. Holy love must be harmonized with all human relationships.

What I have been doing was the exact opposite of holy love! For the sake of my own pleasure, I was wounding others.

Not sending a curse upon oneself means not disturbing the peace of your own soul. This is the worst of all, and the thing people notice least. Human beings are precious children of the Buddha. You must not sell that soul cheaply for the sake of a woman! You must not debase that soul! You must not neglect the great work entrusted to your soul for the sake of loving a woman!

(Shedding tears) I feel it is utterly wretched! I wander about like a stray dog... (In anguish) I blush red before the mocking laughs of street boys! I was degraded! I am already ruined!

Be ashamed of using such words! You are completely distraught! Unless you respect yourself and maintain the dignity of your own soul, it is not holy love! Tearing at one's own flesh is hell upon earth. Calm your soul! Love must be an offering of one's finest self.

Oh, what shall I do? I feel as though I have lost my own shadow! (In turmoil)

Wait, Yuien! One more, the most essential of all, remains: you must not send a curse upon your beloved!

I, curse that woman?! The beloved whom I cherish at the risk of my very life?!

Yes! Listen well, Yuien: herein lies the distinction between blind passion (koi) and true love (ai). That I came to see this distinction was through my own agonizing experiences. Standing at the center of the whirlpool of passion as you do now, you cannot perceive the true reality of passion itself. Within passion, a curse is contained. It does not aim at making the beloved's destiny happy; rather, at times it contains selfish emotions that sacrifice the beloved! That passion borders closely on hatred. Lovers, while breathing curses upon each other, sometimes believe they are blessing each other! Some even murder their beloved. Some even force them into death! And all of this is done in the name of love! True love takes interest in the other's destiny. Blind passion does not necessarily bring happiness to the other. Did Kaede make you happy? You are distraught and in agony! And did you make Kaede happy?

(Recalls a certain scene) Oh... poor Kaede!

Rarely does passion not wound the destiny of both! That is why passion becomes a sin. Holy love must love the beloved as a neighbor; it must pity her with compassion! You must face your beloved with the eyes with which the Buddha gazes upon all living beings: not thinking of her as your own possession, but as a child of the Buddha, as a total stranger—

(Cries out) I cannot! I cannot possibly do that!

Just so! You cannot! Yet you must!

(Dizziness overcomes him) Ah... (Presses his hand to his forehead) To think that while wounding each other, we cannot help but yearn for each other!

That is human love.

(As if in soliloquy) Ah, what in the world am I to do...?